Edinburgh Marathon 2006 and beyond...

2007-02-25T15:52:00.000-08:00

It's been a month since I posted on here. I'm afraid to say I'm still a half-marathon virgin as I did not take part in last week's race in Brighton. My race number is still sitting on my coffee-table.

The three weeks leading up to the race, during which I chopped and changed my mind about a thousand times with regard to whether or not I was going to run it, nearly drove me insane. Every good day was followed by a bad one, and my moods ran in parallel to my running. Although my leg is now totally better, I had problems with my left knee, the side of my right foot, and a couple of days of severe backache. Add that to the fact that I stayed glued to the treadmill, never once venturing out into the dark, freezing cold, rainy, slushy, skiddy, leafy, badly-lit, traffic-filled streets of Hove after a full days' work and commute, and it transpired that I was rather ill-prepared, come the week before the race. I decided on the Monday, with a heavy heart and a lot of guilt, that I was utterly deluding myself if I thought I was going to make it round a 13 mile course having not run outside since before Christmas. Then on the Friday morning I woke up and thought SOD IT I'LL DO IT. But that afternoon and evening I had a meeting and lunch at Beggars Banquet which turned into a full-on pub session till the evening, including much red wine (bottles, not glasses) followed by the mother of all hangovers the next day. It's been quite a long time since a hangover like that. Even on the Saturday night though, I was still thinking, well, I'll just see what time I wake up tomorrow - you never know. Of course, by the time I opened my eyes most people were probably around mile 3.

Realistically, I know I was nowhere near ready, but I do feel really quite ashamed of myself. Where is the motivation that I had this time last year in spades? I was out four times a week come rain or shine or hail. If it was freezing I just wore gloves and an extra layer. I seem to have become a real wimp. Of course, the gym being literally next door to the station when I get off the train doesn't help. Sometimes I would think.. no. Walk straight past, go home and run from there. But I would always find myself walking through those doors.

In terms of running, I've still been going most days, but have not been going overboard on the distances. Mainly been doing between 4k - 8k per time, around 5 or 6 times a week. So I suppose there is still some motivation there. The indoor kind.

If I'm honest, I think once I lost those two weeks or so to flu before Christmas, I lost a lot of confidence as it completely screwed my programme. And then once I tried to get back on track the leg thing happened. When that left me with only three weeks, it wasn't ideal, but I probably had a basic enough level of fitness to get round if I'd been really determined. But I never really got down to it and did what I needed to do.

I went and watched the race. That was the worst bit. I was SO jealous of the runners. It was a really strange feeling. I went and stood at the end of Madeira Drive, which I think was about mile 10, and watched as people puffed and staggered past me. I got there quite late, so the people who were left were the back-of-the-packers, like me. I felt a weird mixture of emotions watching them pass, seeing the effort, pain and determination on their faces. It made me feel gutted that I was on the sidelines, and it made me feel very emotional as all the memories of last year's marathon came flooding back; the knowledge of exactly how hard they had worked to be where they were at that moment.

The Austin marathon and half-marathon were the same day, so I went and watched about 20 minutes of it live on the internet, timed perfectly to see Krzys going over the finish line in exactly 1hr 30 mins. I felt so proud of him as he crossed the line, it looked like a really hilly race from what I could see, and he did it 4 mins quicker than his last one (I think).

Tess is still trying to get me to join the athletics club with her, but I'm dubious. The whole idea of it fills me with panic for one thing, not to mention the fact that it's one of the most competitive clubs in the country and probably filled only with super-speedies. I'm not sure I want to be the token snail. I think I'll keep putting her off for a bit and see if she forgets about it. She refuses to join on her own which is really silly as she is a really fast runner, and if I could run as fast as her I wouldn't think twice about it. I think she would do really well and surprise herself.

Sunday

15 x mins crosstrainer
6.5k run
15 x mins bike
10 x mins step machine

2007-01-25T15:59:00.000-08:00

Had a moderate pain in my left calf today; ignored it and it went away, especially after speeding up a bit.

25 x mins crosstrainer
6k x run
10 x mins powerplate
15 x mins weights

2007-01-24T11:59:00.000-08:00

Woke up to a beautiful blanket of snow this morning - lovely. All the trains were cancelled and I had to work from home, what a shame, haha. I was back home by 7.15am and it was very strange to be up, dressed, wide awake and at home at that time of day. I considered going for a run; I thought the promenade might be free of snow but it was covered in it - even up to the water's edge. There was a story on the news about this couple of Brighton nutters, who never go without their daily swim, come rain or shine. That's dedication for you. Puts me to shame.

Had a good run tonight, 5k. Got a bit of speed up at the end, running on an incline too. I'm sure I worked pretty hard as my HR was over 190 for the last ten minutes and I was drenched afterwards.

Last night:

15 x mins crosstrainer
4 x mile run
10 x mins powerplate
20 x mins weights

Tonight

20 x mins crosstrainer
15 x mins step machine
5k x run
10 x mins powerplate
20 x mins weights

Saturday is the day I have to go and pick up my race number. I'm going to go and pick it up, I might as well. Just so I've got it. Just in case.

2007-01-23T06:30:00.000-08:00

It's f-r-e-e-z-i-n-g. I can't believe that this time last year I was going out running in this weather every night.

Well, I'm back from the misery of bad leg, and it's a good feeling. That was the longest lay-off I've had thus far and it was no fun at all. But hopefully, I'm now well on the way to being mended and I can get back into things again. The past few weeks were spent frantically cross-training (strangely, my leg didn't hurt at all except for when I tried to run, when it was excruciatingly painful) in an attempt to make sure I stayed fit, and I think it paid off because when whatever it was eventually healed, I was able to go straight back into running with no ill effects.

Right up until last Thursday it was still really painful, then on Friday I had to run for the bus to go to a meeting, and I when I sat down I thought hang on a minute, that didn't hurt at all and started to get really, disproportionately excited. The next morning I got straight on the treadmill and tentatively turned the speed up and ran for about twenty minutes, really slow. Only just under two miles, but I didn't want to risk doing too much more at that stage. The next day I did risk it though and ran five miles, again really slowly; around an 11 minute pace, but I gradually sped up to about a 9 minute pace at the end. Which is quite fast for me anyway. But it felt absolutely fine, I was on such a high that I felt like I could have carried on forever. In fact, it felt so easy that I started to convince myself, that, yes, I probably could cobble together a plan to get fit for the half-marathon in three and a half weeks. I'm still kind of thinking that now, but, realistically I know that's a bit silly. Oh, I'm so gutted about it. I got the email a couple of days ago telling me where to go and pick up my race number and stuff. I really want to do it. But I really don't want to get injured again. I need a race though. I need something to aim for; I'm worried I might slack off otherwise.

Someone needs to punch me in the nose and tell me to stop being ridiculous, because I am still telling myself that while it probably wouldn't be wise to try and run this race, it's not totally unfeasible. Is it?

2007-01-10T04:05:00.000-08:00

Oh my God. What the hell have I done to myself.

I've got one of those special ice-pack bandage things, the ones where you put the ice-pack in the freezer, then when it's frozen, you slip it inside the bandage's 'pocket' before wrapping it around the injury. The two ends are velcro so you can basically pull it as tight as you like and then secure.

I was lying in bed last night doing some work on my laptop and I put it on for about twenty minutes. Well that was the plan. Unfortunately I somehow forgot all about it and fell asleep with it on. When I woke up at 6.30am this morning I was still wearing it.

When I took it off I nearly fainted. My whole leg had blown up like a melon. I'm not joking. My leg has elephantitis. I don't know what's happened but it looks bad. It feels all bouncy to the touch, like it's just swollen up really bad or something, but jesus. Imagine if it stays like that? I'd have to to join the circus.

Actually, it is now lunchtime and I have just had another inspection and it appears to be going down but it still looks weird. I really hope it's not going to explode. Not while I'm at work anyway.

2007-01-08T15:37:00.000-08:00

Been too miserable to write this thing for the last week. The day after my last post I attempted to run 5k and had to give up halfway through as my right calf was still really aching - and I can normally run through a few aches and pains, but this was making me limp - which really pissed me off. I tried not to get too despondent about it and just rested and tried again the next night. Again, after about ten minutes, my calf was really giving me a lot of aggro and I slowed down to a walk for another ten minutes. Felt a bit better. Ran for ten more minutes, slowly, and then decided to do some intervals, just because I was feeling like I really hadn't had a good, proper workout for days, if not weeks. Stupid bloody idea.

I did two minute walks, two minute runs for about twenty minutes, speeding up each time I ran, but nothing too drastic. First of all, it was feeling quite a lot better, then it started coming back as I got faster. The second to last interval was when I should've stopped as each step was making me wince, severely, but foolishly I thought I would carry on to the end. The final two minutes were about an 8:20 pace - which is very fast for me - but after about three steps I felt a giant twang deep inside my calf muscle and I had to stop immediately. I had to jump off the treadmill onto the sides as it was too painful to wait the ten seconds for it to come to a halt.

Since then I have been impatiently waiting for it to get better but it just isn't. It's not so painful that I can't walk, or even do other forms of exercise (I've still been going to the gym everyday and going on the pissboring crosstrainer and step machine and stuff) but as soon as I try and run it just seizes up. It really does hurt. I guess the answer is to just rest completely and not do anything at all for a few days, but ... I can't do that, I'll go mental. And I also worry that my fitness will plummet if I do that. (Incidentally, at a medical check-up last week I was told I had the blood pressure of a 12 year old girl, hooray! ((It was 98/54)). That certainly made me feel a lot younger than any pointless pot of cream could ever do, plus my HR was 44 which I was also pleased about seeing as I was late for the appointment, had to really rush and was all stressed out when I got there - so yes, hopefully the fitness levels in those respects are ok, and I won't turn into an incapable lump of rock by missing out on a few workouts). So I've been icing on and off, and it seems to help. But I keep forgetting to put the ice-pack back in the freezer, like a total dur-brain.

I'm still clinging on to an ever-more-improbable hope that I'll be able to run a half-marathon in precisely 5 weeks, which I know in my heart of hearts is a preposterous idea. I'm so behind in my training now that even if I were fighting fit, I would stlil be lucky to make it to mile six. I'm going to give it one more week I think, before I finally write it off. So gutted to even be considering pulling out. You only get to run in your hometown marathon (or half-marathon) once a year, after all. I'll just have to find something else, I suppose.

2007-01-03T15:35:00.000-08:00

Oh god oh god oh god. I don't know what's happened to me over the past couple of weeks. That bloody flu thing just did me in and then it was Christmas, not that that's any excuse but the long and short is that I've hardly run at all these past three weeks. I'm supposed to be running a bloody half-marathon in 6 weeks and I'm right back to square one with my training. Is it possible, or even wise to still try and attempt it? The furthest I've run in the past three weeks is 5k, and I've only done that four or five times.

I'm finding it really hard to muster the same level of commitment and drive that I had this time last year. I seem to be so tired all the time, but I know that's really just a mind over matter thing. The weather has also been so, so diabolical of late. Even as I write it's still pissing down and the wind is so strong it's just blown next-door's wheelie bin into the road.

I really want to do it. I just don't want to get home from work, pull on my gear and go out running in the freezing rain!!

Tonight I went to the gym as the rain was so ferocious. It was absolutely FULL of new starters. I had to wait an age to get on a treadmill. I felt so tired though when I eventually got on. My legs ached.

OK. Going to try and fit in another couple of 5ks and then attempt 7 miles at the weekend. I think if I can do that, then I've got a chance of getting up to scratch, if I just add a mile each week to my long run. Maybe.

2006-12-23T09:05:00.000-08:00

Eight whole days without a run; that has to be the longest break I've had in the last year. Woke up yesterday morning headache-free so decided to go to work. Needed to clear out my emails and send stuff home for my entire week of working from home next week (yay). Honestly though, the day nearly finished me off. By lunchtime I was ready to keel over and was in bed by 8pm last night. This bug has totally wiped me out. But I was determined to run today no matter what - even if I could only do five minutes. Amazingly though I felt quite OK and managed to do a bit longer than I thought - and for the whole half hour I didn't sniff, sneeze, cough or have to blow my nose.

20 x mins crosstrainer
5k x run
10 x mins powerplate

2006-12-19T15:12:00.000-08:00

Ok, so no running on my birthday, or any other day since. I have the pissing flu. I am highly annoyed about this, as I have not had flu or a bad cold since New Year, 1999. That's nearly six years. No more boasting about my robust and indestructable immune system. I now feel like a bag o' shite. Shakes, shivers, muscle aches, pounding head, throat like broken glass, nose as stuffed as a Christmas turkey and hacking away like an emphsymic miner.

Question is, can I run like this? Is it wise? Because I feel terrible in the morning, terrible in the afternoon and terrible in the evening. But there's a little window around lunchtime when I feel a little bit more like myself. After I've drugged myself up to the eyeballs. Should I risk it for a biscuit? I'm going c-c-c-crazy stuck inside this flat.

2006-12-14T13:46:00.000-08:00

It's my birthday tomorrow and I have the day off work (one little perk of working for Virgin... they may pay you fuck-all, but at least you don't have to go in on your birthday). Anyway, someone asked me what I was doing and looked completely horrified when I said I wasn't sure but I might go for a run at some point. On your BIRTHDAY?? they gasped. I really laughed. I probably would've thought of it as punishment too, at some point in the past, but now the idea of being able to go out, during the DAY of all things, is something that I actually get quite excited about. Funny, huh.

Tonight's run was ok. I'm following a Runner's World half-marathon schedule at the moment. There are six to choose from and I'm using no. 6 (the divvy one for snails like me). I don't want to get carried away now, do I. I'm still a complete novice, as I haven't even been running seriously for a year yet. But I have to say, even I am finding the pace that it's telling me to run at a tiny bit slow.

Tonight:

5 x mile run (just over)

2006-12-12T07:55:00.000-08:00

Six days since my last run and I was starting to go mental.

It is, at last, sunny today, and I'm also working from home finishing writing the poxy album 'reviews' for the Best of 2006 stuff. So I was able to sneak out around lunchtime.

4 x mile run.

If one more person says to me "Oh, you should find a half-marathon really easy now you've done a full one" I shall punch them in the nose.

2006-12-06T13:44:00.000-08:00

Got really bored about halfway through my run tonight. No pain or anything other than the normal pain of effort, just general weariness. Tried to snap myself out of it by thinking about my poor mum who today had to have her bad leg done (well, actually her good leg compared to the one mangled by a reckless driver) which involved the agonizing process of having three giant needles inject foam into her main artery running from thigh to ankle in an attempt to slow down the damage caused by having said leg continually overcompensate for useless leg. It made me feel very lucky that I could run at all and I finished without another thought for my 'can't be bothered tonight' non-issue.

Wednesday:

Just over 4 x mile run.

2006-12-04T15:10:00.000-08:00

Night off tonight, or rather just cross-training instead. Back still hurts but felt much better for a little while, after going to gym. I really hate this weather; I want to get outside and run, but it really is vile. The pavements around Hove are all covered in a thick slushy layer of wet leaf gunge and I almost go flying just walking home from the station so god knows what it would be like running on it. Plus it's been raining constantly for what seems like a month now, and the wind is shaking my windows really violently as I write. And it's pitch black of course. All things that make the gym more appealing at this time of year. What happened to crisp, cold, dry winter days? That's what I want.

20 x mins crosstrainer
25 x mins treadmill (fast uphill walking incline 9.0)
10 x mins step machine
10 x mins powerplate

2006-12-03T15:25:00.000-08:00

I'm just a giant walking ache tonight. Everything hurts, especially my back. I was warming up on the cross-trainer and I felt it suddenly jar. It made me wince and I had to slow right down. I did consider not running, but not for very long. I thought, bah, be fine. I didn't notice any pain at all while I was running, but afterwards there it was, and it's stayed around all night. I think (hope) it'll be ok. God knows it's the same pain I've had a billion times before, but it's been quite a while since I've had it, and it's bloody painful. I think it might possibly be the full hour of weights I did yesterday that triggered it. Lots of core stuff, which I thought was supposed to be good for your back, but maybe I overdid it.

Saturday

1 x hour weights

Sunday
10 x mins crosstrainer
10k run. Slowish and steady.

2006-12-01T15:11:00.000-08:00

Another busy week with barely any time to run, just Monday and today (Friday) so far. Have been out after work a couple of times, one night for a spectacular curry with G, Matthew and Bern. Will make up for it this weekend, although looks like I might have to resort to the gym if the promise of 70mph winds materialises.

Poor, poor Krzys has injured his foot and can't run for two months, so no marathon for him, for the second year running. I feel so sorry for him; I think he is going to go out of his mind within a couple of weeks. And lord knows what will become of his hair that he vowed never to cut until he had the 26.2 under his belt.

3 x mile run. Slightly sore shins.

2006-11-27T15:16:00.000-08:00

Got three hours sleep last night; some of my neighbours (next door) decided to have a party in the garden that went on till past 3am. It is late November and it was raining, but that still didn't put them off. But it wasn't them that kept me awake, it was the people who kept leaning out of their windows telling them to 'SHUT THE F*CK UP'. The last I remember is some woman, who sounded on the verge of a nervous breakdown, screaming 'IT'S SUNDAY NIGHT. IT'S 3 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP YOU... YOU WANKERS!' The last time I looked it was ten to four, and I was up at 6.30. Felt delirious all day and fell into a deep sleep on the train on the way home. Opened my eyes at Brighton and couldn't bear the thought of going to the gym. But I went anyway and feel better for it. Met Spock in there and we went to the Abs class again. We keep getting told off for giggling. But it is funny. It's so hard it's ridiculous. We both frequently collapse in heaps.

I also started following a half-marathon training programme today. Nice and easy start - two miles. It's three runs a week and two cross/strength sessions. I think that'll be ok. I can always substitute one of the cross sessions for more running if it starts to feel like that's not enough.

10 x mins crosstrainer
2 x mile run
30 mins abs class

2006-11-26T15:48:00.000-08:00

I'm sure my gym is full of crooks and thieves. No-one has handed in my silver ring that I left next to one of the weight machines. What would most people do if they saw that someone had left a ring behind? Hand it in to reception or think "I'm having that"? It was probably the same stupid old bint who stole my ipod.

The gym is really, really empty at the moment. The same thing happened last year. I don't know if it's because it's a women-only gym but I think what happens is that it gets near to Christmas and everyone seems to give up for the year and think, right, I'll start again properly in the New Year. I remember last January it was insane. I had to queue at least ten minutes for a treadmill every single night. The place was packed. And then it starts to dwindle again through March and April and May. Anyway, it's nice. I like it when it's empty.

15 x mins crosstrainer
5k x run
15 x mins powerplate
15 x mins weights

2006-11-25T08:28:00.000-08:00

Felt really yucky this morning - four days without doing any exercise. The last couple of days I've had this strange pain in my upper back. I know it's nothing to worry about but it's quite painful when I breathe in. It came on during the gig on Thursday night. Sometimes, if I'm at a gig, or a museum or anything that involves standing for a prolonged amount of time, I always seem to end up with a backache. Yesterday it was bad enough to convince me to take a sickie. And I was just so bloody tired. What bliss it was to crawl back in to bed and sleep until 10. Anyway, I thought the longish gap would mean that today's run would be really hard work but it was ok except I had a stitch practically the whole way though and I couldn't get rid of it.

6.5k run / 43:40

2006-11-23T11:58:00.000-08:00

Have not had hardly any time to run this week. I hate it when things get in the way but I also don't want to, like, not have a life. It would be so nice if I just had a little more time... I still haven't quite got my head round the getting up at 5am thing and going out bleary-eyed into the dark, freezing morning. I know it's an option. But at the moment, with these mornings, it feels like the least preferable one of all.

Monday

1 x 5k run. 32:15.

Felt really uncomfortable in the last ten minutes. A bit dizzy and pukey. I think I really need to start getting more sleep. Going to bed at 1am (on average) and getting up at 6 really can't be good for me.

2006-11-18T10:45:00.000-08:00

Longish slow run today. Need to get back into the swing of them if they're going to become a regular weekend fixture again.
Felt fine. Took it nice and easy, sped up a bit at the end. HR was steady throughout at around 165 - 170. Hit 183 in the last five minutes.

1 x 10k run.

2006-11-16T13:48:00.000-08:00

Feeling a bit guilty about not doing much outside running lately. It's windy, rainy, slimy and leafy, and cold. I have no problems running in the rain, if it's nice summery rain. But miserable, hard, relentless, cold November rain is not much fun. I know that if I say I will go, I will go. But I will procrastinate for hours and not get out of the house till really late. And the time I spend procrastinating won't be in the least bit productive so the whole thing'll end up taking over the entire evening. Plus, I know that when I start a proper half-marathon training programme either next week or the week after, I will definitely need to do most of it outside. So I'm kind of looking at these couple of weeks as a bit of a lull. And the gym is cosy. And warm. And 30 seconds from the station. My feet carry me there without me even thinking about it.

The Brooks Brighton 10k is on Sunday, and it's quite a big deal 'round these parts. It's also the South of England championships for the distance. I'm so pissed off with myself for, yes - procrastinating - so long about getting my entry in that it was completely full by the time I applied a few weeks ago. 3,000 places all gone. I might do some investigations on Saturday and see if there is any way of getting a late entry through a cancellation or something. I'm not trained up for a 10k at all but I could do it, I reckon.

15 x mins crosstrainer
15 x mins treadmill
15 x mins bike (yawn)
15 x mins cardiowave
15 x mins weights

2006-11-15T13:54:00.000-08:00

Hard workout tonight. The sweat was pouring off me, nice. Oh. I wonder if it was because I wasn't on my favourite treadmill directly underneath the air-con...

After my run I tried to replicate the class from the other night on my own. If I want to sort my back out and get those neglected muscles stronger I don't think one half hour class a week will do much good. So another thing to add to the routine I suppose. I also did that swiss ball exercise again that I did at K's personal training session in Austin. It kills the back of my thighs. Is it supposed to do that? Bloody hell. I did it ten times and afterwards my hamstrings were throbbing away on their own like billy-o.

Polish supermodels in the gym again tonight. They are funny. They spend the whole time in front of the mirror, full make-up, dangly earrings, co-ordinated tops, bottoms, shoes, socks and hairbands, and they lift about one miniscule weight every fifteen minutes.

10 x mins crosstrainer
30 x mins treadmill... one day I will run 5k in under 30 mins. I actually can't believe I still can't do this. It's depressing.
10 x mins powerplate
45 x mins weights and things

2006-11-13T15:06:00.000-08:00

I finally managed to emotionally blackmail Spock into accompanying me to the Abs/Core training class tonight, eleven weeks after she first said she'd come. I know I could go on my own... but I really am so shit at that kind of thing. I needed her to come with me so we could be shit together. The first five minutes were insane; Reni the mad Australian trainer is a pyschopath. But then it calmed down a little. Only 100 situps per minute instead of 500. We were both so rubbish, moaning and giggling. But it was good fun. Except for the balancing exercises... fuck me. I am so feeble.

Krzys ran a half-marathon yesterday. I don't think he did any specific training for it yet he still managed to run it in 1hr 35. I just can't get my head round that. To just be able to go out and do it. That's like a 7.15 min pace. I don't think I could run that fast for even thirty seconds. Tonight I ran 4k at a ten minute mile pace, which is fast for me. I felt sick. I only had three hours sleep last night (what is with this Sunday night sleeplessness thing?) and I hardly drank anything today because the water machine wasn't working. So that may have something to do with it. Maybe. But it's still frustrating. I feel like I've only really made the minimum amount of progress over the last year where the speed thing is concerned. I don't know why it matters to me that much, but I would just like to be able to run a little bit faster. Even just to be able to run steadily, for at least a 5 or 10k distance at around - what - a 9:30 pace would be more than enough for me. But it seems a long, long way off. Never mind, I'll keep on at it. It is frustrating though, especially when Spock, who has only recently started exercising after literally years of not doing a thing, can already run much faster than me. I just look at her and think... bloody hell. It's not fair!

10 x mins crosstrainer
4k run (25 mins?)
10 x mins powerplate
30 x mins core class

2006-11-12T05:12:00.000-08:00

Been trying to find an accessible running track in my local vicinity. Turns out, as I had suspected, there's no such thing. It's amazing really. There are only two running tracks in the whole of Brighton and Hove. One is at Withdean Stadium, which is where all the local athletics clubs meet, and also the temporary home of Brighton & Hove Albion football club, and the other is at a private school. Withdean, I think, may possibly be open to the public at certain times of the week. But it's a pain to get to. Two infrequent buses. The other option is Lewes, a local town a ten minute train ride away. There's a track attached to the leisure centre there, and it's open to the public on Sundays for a small fee. So I might head on down there next weekend. Got a few things I want to try out. But god... I can't believe there isn't just one in a park or something. It seems crazy.

Saturday:

20 x mins crosstrainer
5k run - started at 11.20 min pace, finished at 8:02 min pace (which nearly killed me)
plus ten minutes of short sprints
15 x mins powerplate

2006-11-09T11:32:00.000-08:00

Keep getting cramp in my right foot; it really hurts. It's still there after half an hour. Not when I'm running, it happens when I do this bloody hard swiss ball exercise thing that I learned in Austin, which involves lying with your feet on the ball, thrusting your pelvis up and rolling it in towards you. It's a very glamorous and attractive thing to watch, and I highly recommend doing it in front of a boy you're trying to impress. Jesus. I caught sight of myself in the mirror mid-effort today and I wanted to kill myself. Red, contorted face (just finished running), totally uncoordinated and wobbly legs, and trying to hold on to the carpet for dear life.

I really can't do it for very long at all, without collapsing in a heap. It doesn't look hard but it is, or at least, it is for me. I have a swiss ball at home, so I think from now on I'll just humiliate myself between my own four walls.

Other than that, feeling a lot better today (Had the stomach cramps from hell yesterday, could barely move by the end of the day). But tonight, on just two cups of coffee and a yoghurt (stupid I know, but hectic day) I managed to do quite a hard workout. And now I'm ravenous. And there's no food in the fridge except for some mouldy rye bread and some grapes. I'm so organised.

15 x mins crosstrainer
45 x mins treadmill (1 x mile warmup, then 400m intervals at 9.11 pace with 200m jogs.)
10 x mins powerplate
20 x mins weights and things

Here are a couple of pictures from the race:

I spy a little bunny.

Delicious.

2006-11-06T15:02:00.000-08:00

OK I'm back. I've had a hearty break from running. Other than the race, and a quick 25 minutes round the lake last week, I haven't run at all. It wasn't a particularly intentional break, it's just that I've had insufferable jet lag. Why oh why oh why do I get this so badly. Here are my sleeping patterns since last Thursday:

Thursday: (Austin) - awake approx 8am - leave for New York at midday. 4hr Flight. 4hr wait at JFK plus 1.5 hr delay. Board plane. Further 3 hr delay on runway before takeoff. 6 hr flight. No sleep, fidget-arse next to me.

Friday: Arrive London 10.30am Friday morning. Bus to Gatwick. Lift home. Arrive 1pm. Sleep from 2pm to 6pm. Awake till midnight. Go back to bed. Don't sleep till 4am. Sleep till 1.30pm Saturday afternoon.

Saturday: Awake 1.30pm. Stay in bed and read. Fall asleep and wake at 5pm. Go out and see Flaming Lips. Bed at 1am. Don't sleep till 6am.

Sunday: Wake up at 1.45pm. Panic as supposed to meet Spock at cinema at 2.15. Am late for cinema. So is she. Bed at midnight. Still awake at 3am. Up at 5.45am this morning for work.

I am so tired.

Anyway, forced myself to gym tonight and felt much better for it. Am hoping for something close to a normal night's sleep tonight.

These are my fancy new shoes that cost $146.00 and that I feel guilty about every time I look at them. But.... aw gawd... I'm not sure about them. They pinch a bit. He measured me and said I'd been wearing half a size too big. I'm normally an American 10. These are a 9.5 but... I think they might be a bit too small. And they're quite narrow too. It feels like my toes are all squished up when I run. Hopefully they'll loosen up a bit. It's not like I can take them back or anything.

I felt a bit shit running tonight. Like when I came back from France. I just wanted to do half an hour to ease myself back into it, and I started off quite slow. After about 7 or 8 minutes my legs were killing me. That really horrible shin-splintsy type feeling I always get if I haven't run for about five days or more. I didn't get all stressed about it tonight because I know it'll be back to normal in a few days, but I did have to stop and walk for a minute. I decided to spend the remainder of the time doing 400m intervals, fastish, then a slow jog. The leg-pain pretty much disappeared when I was running faster and returned when I was jogging.

I like doing intervals, I think.

15 x mins crosstrainer
30 x mins treadmill
(The faster 400ms were taking about 2.20 mins/9.23 mile pace. I know I can do them faster when I've had more sleep)
25 x mins weights.

I did my free weights standing on a jelly thing as per my expert personal training session last week. I am the most wobbly, uncoordinated, uncentered, ridiculous-looking weeble in the gym.

I found a half-marathon training schedule that is based on three runs a week, plus two cross-training and strength training sessions. This kind of appeals to me because of the amount of time I spent either injured or with niggly little pains or other problems on the four runs a week plan I did before. Although I suppose this time it will only be half as intense. I don't know. I'll have a look at a few.

2006-11-01T20:31:00.000-08:00

Not last time I came here, but the time before, I bought a pair of Asics GT-2100s for $59. That's about £35. I was expecting to do something similar this time as my current pair have well and truly had it.

Run-Tex, the huge running store conveniently located next door to Krzys's apartment, is the sort of shop where I could easily spend about £5,000 in one day, so it was hard to try and confine myself to getting a simple pair of shoes but I managed it. Unfortunately though, this time, they were not as cheap. I had my feet professionally analysed and was advised on the best pair of shoes to get. They were also the most expensive. Funny that.

Anyway I'm now the proud owner of a fancy new pair of Gel Kayanos or something or other. Feels like I'm running on springs. Went for a run round the lake last night and didn't time myself or the distance but it certainly felt like I was running on air.

I go home tomorrow. Boo. Don't want to go. Love it here. We've just been out for a curry. But I'll be back for the marathon in February, all being well. The half, I should say. Better start training when I get back.

2006-10-30T14:12:00.000-08:00

Not updated this for a few days... well, I am on holiday.

Didn't manage to fit in another run whilst in New Jersey as I paid a visit to K's mum and dad who insisted on stuffing me with Polish sausage, cheese, cabbage and other treats, including homemade something or other (tasted like a cross between a very sweet dessert wine, German Kirsch and tequila). Anyway it was moonshine of the most lethal variety, which when added to the three different wines on offer, put paid to any running plans I had for the rest of that day. Plus I then had to go back to Kristy and Alex's and eat steak. Christ, eaten more in the last five days than in the whole of the last month it seems.

Friday was spent travelling from New York to Austin. K met me at the airport sporting a full beard, long hair and a slightly-too-feminine hairclip (the result of what seems to be another totally arbitrary 'decision' along the lines of last Christmas's 'I've given up alcohol' adventure - but this time it's 'I'm not getting my haircut till I've run a marathon')

Anyway, the day before this, he'd sadistically (but with good intentions, I'm sure) emailed me the following information:

Toughest Race in Texas: Not For the Timid

The self-titled Toughest Race in Texas might be a little hyperbolic, but there's no question that this race on Saturday is over the top. The Toughest Race in Texas isn't for the timid. Starting Saturday morning at 8 a.m., there will actually be three races (10-K, 5-K and one mile) utilizing the same insanely difficult course.

Make no mistake about it, this course is a killer. It is entirely off road through scrub brush on narrow, single-track trails that is rocky, slippery and a supreme challenge.

All three races start and finish on the St. Stephen's soccer fields which is the only flat part of the course. From there, the single track trail climbs and plunges past cactus and other obstacles. You must stay on the trail or face bush whacking through rough, rocky terrain.

Without describing the overly-protracted thought process I went through, I changed to the 5k after reading this. I knew, deep down, that I was not ready for it. I'd been secretly fretting about the race for the past week or so, knowing that my preparations for the 10k had not been suitable for this kind of terrain. If it had been a road-race, I would've been fully comfortable with it, but reading this description gave me the fear. As much as I tell myself I don't care about coming last, I do really, and I knew this would be my fate if I'd remained in the 10k field (and the finishing times tell me I was pretty much right about that - I think the slowest time was about 1hr 20).

Once I made the decision to go with the 5k I felt so much better about things. When we got up (at 5am) on the morning of the race I was apprehensive, but excited. Not scared. We picked up Krzys's friend Sean (the nicest man in the world?) on our way, who was also doing the 10k, his first ever race.

The 10k-ers set off first. All I could see of the course from the starting point was a flattish trail heading into some woods. I had no idea, really, what lay beyond. After three minutes, the 5k began and we set off. Once we reached the entrance into the forested area, the trail became single-track and impassable. I thought I may have to walk at some point, but wasn't expecting it this early in, nor for the section to last so long. There were at least two or three minutes of walking here. Some people behind me were getting really impatient, but there was nothing to be done. It eventually opened out and we could run once more, only for it to narrow again about five minutes later. This was a rocky, twisty, gradually climbing section, with loose boulders and many tree stumps. I was frustrated to be walking again, but when the man directly in front of me tripped over an exposed tree root and fell flat on his face, I was pleased. (To be walking, I mean).

After about half a mile, and till about 2.5 miles, I was able to run the whole time. I had a few people behind and in front, but had enough space to just concentrate on trying to pick up my pace and watch where I was treading. I was also trying to take in the scenery as much as I could. The trail was gorgeous. I've decided I love running through the woods. The morning sun was so bright, filtering in and out of the trees. At one point the trail opened right out and there was a spectacular view of the flat valley plain below, with incredibly flash and enormous houses nestling in the hills beyond. One in particular took my fancy, a huge glass modernist block, its windows reflecting the sunlight like a huge wall of mirrors. The last half mile of the race involved another pain-in-the-arse congested, uphill, narrow climb. I wasn't overly bothered, but I was within earshot of the finishing line and I could hear the announcer calling '32 mins' and I wanted to finish in below 40, so I was anxious to get on. Once at the top, I picked up the pace as fast as I could, thinking that I would soon be facing a gradual descent back to the playing field, but the track unexpectedly turned back on itself and suddenly I was back in the forest again. Damn. There was one last steep climb ahead and I forced myself to run the whole way to the top, passing a large group of walkers. The most frustrating part, though, was the downhill descent which seemed to go on forever. It was impossible to run. It was entirely made up of loose scree and large boulders. Everyone was walking. I saw two people take a tumble when they tried to go faster and one girl at the bottom was nursing oozing bloody cuts to both knees.

Eventually I was on the flat grass again and about 800m from the finish I suppose. I suddenly felt really tired and sapped of all energy. The ground was quite spongy and I found it really hard to go faster. When I finally got within sight of the finish line I saw that the clock said 40:05 - bollocks. Managed to find a tiny bit of energy for the last spurt and went over the line in 40:33, followed, literally about 10 seconds later, by Krzys, finishing the 10k. I said he would still beat me in double the distance, and he almost did. He's amazing. He came 18th in the 10k. Ha, on the first list of results they had forgotten to swap me over to the 5k, and I was listed as coming 13th in the 10k. I should've taken a picture of that.

Oh did I also forget to mention that he ran the entire race in a pair of lilac bunny ears and a pink bandana? I'm not quite sure what he's trying to tell the world, but he did look very cute.

Sean finished in around an hour and five or something. He's decided to run the half-marathon next February which is what I think I'm going to do too.

Had sore legs yesterday but they feel fine today. Went to the gym this morning and joined in one of K's personal training sessions. Standing on a wobbly jelly thing and lifting weights. It was hard. I always put off doing core/balance training stuff at the gym because I am so appallingly bad at it. When I get back I am going to rectify this. I'm fed up with having such a terrible sense of balance and a weak, constantly aching back. We also did a yoga class today which was quite humbling. Christ. I was useless. Still, I could do the lying on the floor bit at the end ok.

What else. Yesterday we played tennis. That was good. The last time I played tennis was at Downlands in 1983. I somehow managed to play a set and win 6-1, but to be fair that was entirely due to Sean's slightly erratic serving rather than any skill on my part. Now all that's left is to play K at table-tennis. He - unfathomably - is unable to bring himself to admit that I once beat him. Men are so crap like that.

2006-10-25T12:31:00.000-07:00

Back from my run now. It really is so pretty here, I must post a picture when I can be bothered.

The run was lovely, but I felt jelly-legged and slow. I also got lost about four times. I tried to memorize the route, but I clearly don't have the memory I used to have. At one point I ended up a couple of metres from the freeway. Then I ran down a slope and nearly off a sheer edge into a stream. Got my bearings eventually though and found the lake I was looking for but then got chased by geese which was nice.

Anyway, I ended up doing 5 miles, 54: 29. But that included quite a few head-scratching 'where the fuck am I?' moments.

2006-10-25T07:30:00.000-07:00

Am now back in lovely Metuchen. It's much colder than home, but crisp and dry. Woke up this morning, pulled aside the curtain next to my bed and looked out upon a typical American autumnal scene. Multicoloured leaves fluttering to the ground, yellow school buses driving past, joggers in baseball caps, low slung cables from clapboard house to clapboard house, and the 'woooo-woooo' sound of trains going past in the distance. The sky is totally blue and I'm looking forward to going out for my run.

Kristy and Alex are at work now and I was planning on getting up early this morning and heading straight into Manhattan, but decided that my average four hours per night sleep of the last week have been causing major deficiencies and I really needed to catch up. So I'll go into the city tomorrow. I've been feeling a bit sniffly the last couple of days and if I get a cold now I'll be in a really bad mood. I literally have not had a cold for about five years. Also have enormous grey bags - refuse sacks - under my eyes and look about 345 years old. Didn't sleep on the plane as a five year old girl sitting behind me thought it would be really good fun to kick and shake my seat for seven hours.

Journey from JFK to New Jersey was far less painful than I'd imagined. It only took 45 minutes to get to Penn Station on the train, and another half hour to here. Total journey was just under two hours and I thought it might take about four. And I slept really well too. Amazing. So feeling relatively refreshed right now.

I didn't go out for my final trail run on Sunday as I promised in my last post. I know I said come rain or shine, but there is rain and then there is rain. On Sunday the weather was unlike anything I'd seen for ages down in Brighton. I couldn't see about two inches from my face, it was so intense. Not to mention the wind. I didn't enjoy the day though as I spent all of it um-ing and ah-ing about whether to go, and feeling guilty.

Monday did a hills workout. It was really tough, and the hills weren't even that steep. I don't know why I find these so hard. Just need to do more of them I suppose, and get fitter.

Tonight I am going to a Halloween Superstore (!) to attempt to find something to wear to this party on Saturday after the race. Anything goes apparently, so I'm thinking of going as an injured runner. Then I probably won't need to make much of an effort. Last night we went to a mall (this is not a particularly big town but the mall was like a super dooper Bluewater but double the size) and there were quite a few shops selling costumes. If I wanted to go as a french maid, a sexy nun, a saucy angel or a vampish vampire I'd be laughing. I'm veering more towards a big white sheet with eye-holes though.

Monday:

5.85k / approx 40 mins hills.

2006-10-21T10:35:00.000-07:00

I couldn't run yesterday, no time. How can getting your hair cut take three hours? I mean, it's very nice of him to take his time over it but for fuck's sake. I was sitting there thinking HURRY UP! I need to go for a RUN! But it was too late.

I think these two days off may have been beneficial though, as although I did still have some twinges in my leg today, overall I felt much fresher. Decided to do a treadmill session today (howling wind, thunder and torrential rain) and a trail-ish run tomorrow (come rain or shine).

I stuck the treadmill on Marathon Mode and tried to zone out whilst watching the footie results roll in (we are still chasing our first elusive win of the season... could only manage a 0-0 draw with bottom-of-the-table Charlton today. Dullsville...zzzzzzz). Anyway it worked for a bit. Started off slow and built up to a steady/moderate pace over first twenty minutes. Then added in some hills. Increased the incline by 0.5 every two minutes until it was on 6.0 by which point my HR was running at 192. Turned it down and dropped the speed for ten minutes or so. Then increased the speed by 0.1 every minute until I got to a 9:39 pace and held that till the end which I found really tough. God I'm so unfit. Oh to be able to maintain a 7:30 pace for even one minute let alone one mile. What must that feel like?

Anyway I ran 10k today, and that's the furthest I've run since the marathon, I'm ashamed to admit. So I'm pleased about that at least.

Oh great, my neighbours are having weird shouty torture sex again. Nice.

15 x mins crosstrainer
10k x run. 1hr 9mins 25 secs.

2006-10-18T15:38:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a tiny bit panicky. Not because of the race itself, but because I've hurt my leg and I haven't had a meaningful run since Sunday.

As well as aching quads, which have gone now, I also woke up on Monday morning with a strain-type pain in the back of my left leg, just above the heel and extending to about halfway up. Hurts most when I first get up after sitting for a long time, or going downstairs. It feels like a pulled muscle I suppose. I can't, for example, stand on one leg (on that leg at least). It's really tender. And if I make a circle with my ankle, with my foot pointed, when my foot is at about 3 o'clock, it makes me wince in pain. It shoots all the way up. On Monday night I thought I would just have a gentle run on the treadmill and see if it made it better. Sounds stupid, but it's sometimes worked for me in the past. It felt ok while I was running. But yesterday I felt much worse. I was even having trouble walking. I didn't do anything at all yesterday, exercise-wise.

It was still bad this morning. I am still walking a little bit spazzy. I didn't know what to do tonight. I had planned to do a full-on hills session along Montepelier. But I decided against it in the end and went to the gym instead. I never know whether I'm doing the right thing or not. But I just worried that I would make it worse. But now I feel even more behind on the training front. And I'm out tomorrow night at the Raconteurs gig.

If it feels better by Friday, think I will do the hills session then. And I want to do at least one run of around one and a half hours this week. Got to make sure I get that in before I leave for New York. In precisely 6 days.

Funny. Tonight I did a solid hour of cardio, and half an hour of weights. But because I didn't run, I don't feel like I've exerted myself really, or done anything much at all.

20 x mins crosstrainer
20 x mins cardiowave
20 x mins treadmill (fast walk incline 6 - 8) (+ 5 mins run on incline 3)
30 x mins weights

2006-10-16T15:33:00.000-07:00

I ached all day today. Not too bad, but bad enough.

I have hardly got any more opportunities to run now, before I go to the States next week. Bollocks! I can't run tomorrow, and Thursday I'm going to see the Raconteurs. That leaves Weds, Fri, Sat, Sun .... and maybe Monday if I finish packing in time. That's only four or possibly five more runs. Of course, I will try and run in New Jersey too in the couple of days before I fly to Texas. I wonder if there are any hills in Metuchen? I ran to a nice park last time but I don't remember it being much more than flat. I always get such bloody bad jetlag - last time was horrendous, about 6 or 7 hours total sleep in three days - but I'll just have to try and get over it. I can't face arriving in Austin feeling like I did last time. Like a zombie. That really wouldn't do. I wonder how it hot it is there at the moment... shit I forgot about the heat.

Christ! BBC website says it's 96 degrees today. Buggering hell. It better have dropped by the time I get there. I know the race is in the early morning but even so.... I'll probably collapse and impale myself on a cactus before the 1 mile marker if it stays like that.

Honestly. Anyone would think I was worried about this race or something. I'm not. I'm looking forward to it now. I've accepted that I'm going to come last, or thereabouts, and as I've never run anything remotely like a trail run before, my only aim is to finish it, preferably in time for lunch.

Monday:

15 x mins crosstrainer
20 x mins treadmill
15 x mins step machine
30 x mins weights

2006-10-15T11:26:00.000-07:00

Devil's Dyke

It was such a gorgeous day today, a cloudless, warm autumn day. I decided to run from Jack & Jill windmills to Ditchling Beacon and back - a trail which I think is about four or five miles in total, with some good undulations. Got all my gear together and went over to mum and dad's for some pre-run scoff and a cup of tea. About 3pm I went to get changed and ... I'd forgotten my sports bra... arrrggggh I was SO PISSED OFF. This might seem like a minor thing but believe me it's not. I couldn't believe I'd gone all that way and forgotten such a fundamental thing. Felt like I was never going to get a decent cross-country run in before the race... and only one more weekend to go.

In the end I had to compromise ... got a lift back home, rushed in and got properly attired, then Dad dropped me off at Devil's Dyke instead. I ran out from behind the back of the car park where there's a trail but it came to an end after about half a mile (I don't really know this area very well) so I came back the same way and found another path. It led up onto the top of the Dyke and then followed the road all the way back. In fact, I ended up running all the way back to my flat. The trail was great - totally exposed with amazing views all around. There were a few other runners and lots of mountain bikers using it, but it wasn't crowded. The only annoying thing was that it was pretty much a gentle downhill all the way, save for a couple of smallish hills. Next weekend I will do it in the opposite direction. My quads ache a bit tonight. I really enjoyed this run though. Although I did have a watch on, I didn't really care about time today. I'm not absolutely sure of the distance but I think it was somewhere between 5.25 and 5.5 miles.

Sunday:

5.25 - 5.5 mile run - 57 mins.

Saturday:

10 x mins crosstrainer
5k run: 32.09
40 mins weights

2006-10-12T14:26:00.000-07:00

Still feeling quite nauseous. It's a horrible feeling. Just a kind of general biliousness that hangs around all day. I've not suffered with it for a couple of weeks but it seems to have come back with a vengeance over the past couple of days. I really don't feel like running when I feel like this; I had to force myself to pull on my shoes tonight. But once I got going it was ok.

I have some new go-faster songs on my running playlist. They seem to do the trick, I felt like I was flying down Somerhill Road tonight. I have my 5k playlist worked out with precision now, a couple of mid-paced shorter tracks to start off with and then into the hard stuff. I know lots of people can't run with music outside, G for example seems to think it's the height of impurity or something, but I love it. Inside or out. I don't like running without music at all. It spurs me on.

Pity it doesn't seem to have that much effect on my time though. Never mind.

Just very slightly over 5k run. (3.18 miles)
33:55. Approx 10:39 min mile pace.

It's so dark outside at night. I can barely see where I'm going. The streetlights are all covered by trees. One of these days I'm going to come a cropper.

2006-10-11T16:20:00.000-07:00

God. Not felt good today. Sickness and nausea this morning meant that I didn't get to work till 11.30. Dan sent me a message to say don't bother coming in, just work from home but I was already on the train by the time I got it. Which was gutting. Continued to feel dodgy all day. I thought all this was behind me now, but obviously not. Debated whether or not to go for a run, felt very wobbly and jelly-legged. Decided to go to the gym and see how I felt. Opted to do an intense but short run as didn't think I could deal with the washing machine-like churning stomach of a long treadmill session. Hope I feel better tomorrow.

20 x mins crosstrainer
2 x mile run (upped incline by 0.5 every 2 mins up to 5.0, and speed by 0.2kph every 2 mins up to 10kph, and then a couple minutes 'sprint' at 11.5 - 12kph at end)
10 mins step machine
15 mins powerplate
10 mins weights

2006-10-09T15:57:00.000-07:00

Should have explained myself a bit better yesterday. The reason why I couldn't run was partly because other plans took over and I didn't get time but mainly because I woke up yesterday morning with a completely rigid left leg, knee downwards. I didn't write about it as I was being superstitious. Wanted to ignore it and hoped it would go away, but it was still there when I got up today. It wasn't quite as bad though.

I've no idea what caused it. When I keep my foot and leg still, I can't feel anything at all but the moment I flex my ankle up or down, it's really painful along the whole length of my calf. Yesterday it was so tender going up and down the stairs that I thought the last thing I should do was go out running hills on a trail. Maybe that's a bit of a cop-out and I should have just tried it, but it felt really sore.

By tonight it was feeling quite a lot less painful so I thought I'd risk it, although the muscle is rock hard and really hurts when I try to knead it away.

I'm sure it'll go all on its own when it's ready. It didn't really bother me too much while I was actually running, but killed when I was stretching after.

Flat run tonight, went for a longish slowish one instead.

5.3 miles - 1 hour.
First twenty minutes very slow, 150 HR
Middle twenty minutes 3 x mins fast followed by 3 x mins not quite so fast, repeat - 190/170 HR
Last twenty minutes pretty slow, 165 HR

That middle bit was tough. I thought I was going to chunder at the end. Or release the peacock as Mel taught me to say in Polish today which I've already forgotten.

2006-10-08T14:39:00.000-07:00

Not a good weekend, running wise. My plans all up the spout. Only two more weekends until the race and I still don't feel like I've done any meaningful training. For various reasons, I wasn't able to do my countryside run today, and I desperately feel like I need to get some training in on an undulating, non-smooth surface, but now I'll have to wait another week before I get the chance again. By the time I get home from work now, it's dark - and the only thing round here that comes close to a trail is the park. And I really don't want to do that in the dark on my own. If I went in the mornings, I'd have to be back by 6.15am to get ready for work, and it's dark then too.

Saturday

40 x min run. (20 mins at approx 155 HR, 20 mins at approx 175 - 180 HR)

2006-10-06T13:33:00.000-07:00

Been a bit lazy filling this in this week. Sometimes I just can't be arsed.

I've been trying to build up to my trial run at the weekend. Trial trail run, I should say. Figuring I need to get out into the country somewhere and get off the road. Otherwise I'm bound to break my ankle in the first 400m of this silly old race. Krzys suggested I think about doing the 5k instead of the 10k if I'm feeling too anxious about it. So I thought about that. For about two gillionths of a second.

I don't want to do a wussy 5k. I want to do the proper run. But I'm not going to be proud and stupid about it. I'm going to get up on to the South Downs at the weekend and see how I get on. If it's abundantly clear that I'm as good at trail-running as I am at say, putting up shelves, then I won't be stubborn and I might reconsider. But I really don't want to.

I don't normally pay much attention to other people in the gym. But tonight there was such a medley of freaks on the treadmills in front of me that I couldn't let it pass without mention. The woman directly in front of me was powerwalking. If there's anything more ridiculous-looking than powerwalking, it's powerwalking on a treadmill. I mean, all credit to her, I'm pretty sure she was going much faster than I was running. But she looked like a chicken. Then to her right was a woman reading Harry Potter. I won't rant about people over the age of 15 reading Harry Potter on here, but honestly. How can you read on a treadmill? And why bother? I don't get it. Maybe I'm missing something. But I can't see how running and reading go together really. Not that there was a lot of running going on in her case. Then to the left, was a woman who had the strangest running style I'd ever seen. She can't have weighed more than about 7 or 8 stone; she was tiny. But with every step, she landed so heavily on the treadmill that it sounded like there was an African tribal drumming troupe in the room. She seemed to be running really slowly, but took enormous strides and rose up really high with each one, crashing down to earth with a bullet every second or so. Most odd. Everyone was looking at her with raised eyebrows. Anyway, then I caught sight of myself in the mirror and I looked, as usual, like a giant puffin, so here's where I stop slating everybody else.

Tuesday:

40 x min run. Wow, only three days ago but I can't remember anything else about it.

Thursday:

25 x min hill training. HR pushing 188 at the end.

15 x mins crosstrainer
40 x mins weights

Friday:

15 x mins crosstrainer
30 x mins run fast.
(Fast means 10:10 min pace rising to 8:46 min pace and variations within. It doesn't mean actually 'fast')
HR between 168 and 180

2006-10-01T13:35:00.000-07:00

Didn't run yesterday. Had a day off. I did walk over 6 miles with Bern, but not at a particularly fast pace and punctuated with coffee breaks. Last night had a ridiculous 3 and a half hours sleep and so felt deliriously tired today. The plan was to run outside, but let's just say it was a bit too windy today. In the last 24 hours the weather has gone bonkers and now I am sitting on my sofa watching a spectacular electric storm outside my living room and listening to the ear-splitting thunder and the rain hitting my window like spears.

Went to the gym for an easy run. 45 mins. HR remained around 145. Felt fine. Hardly broke a sweat so sped right up for last 5 minutes and got the HR up to 175ish.

10 x mins crosstrainer
45 x mins treadmill

2006-09-29T16:54:00.000-07:00

Just a quick run tonight as Bungalow Bern is here for the weekend and I didn't want to be anti-social. Felt good tonight though; felt like I could've carried on for much longer. Except for the last five minutes which is all uphill and which I tried to run flat out. I was bent over double and gasping for air by the time I got to the final lampost outside my house.

2.2 x mile run (22:09)

2006-09-28T16:54:00.000-07:00

In a rush tonight, work getting busy again. I never seem to have any time for anything. What a luxury it would be to decide exactly when in the day I would like to run, rather than be ball-and-chained to the little window of 7.30pm - 9pm. I don't really like going out into the night much later than 9 now the evenings are dark again. All the Hove nutters come out and I feel a bit vulnerable. And it was pissing down really hard tonight. So I went to the gym instead.

15 x mins crosstrainer
25 x mins treadmill
10 x mins power plate
20 x mins weights

Forgot my HR monitor today, but could tell it was pretty bloody high when I was running. Increased the incline every two minutes, and the speed every two minutes, alternately. Was running on an incline of 7.0 at the end and it was tough. I was trying to concentrate on my breathing, trying to make it seem less laboured, but I'm sure I was moaning like Jimmy Connors.

2006-09-26T15:53:00.000-07:00

After being unseasonably hot for the last couple of weeks, it suddenly seemed like autumn today. It was still warm, but when I went for my run tonight, even though it was only 7.15 it was already dark and I could barely see where I was going. And there was leaf mulch everywhere.

I don't know what happened tonight. I ran the same route as Sunday, I felt like I had loads more energy, I was sure I was going faster - it felt much faster - I didn't stop (except to re-tie my shoes) and it just felt much more pleasurable overall. When I got to the final lampost outside my house though, my watch said 34:04. Which is 25 seconds slower than last time. I don't really care about this particularly, it's just that last time felt like a bit of a struggle and tonight felt like a bit of a breeze. Never mind.

Monday:

15 x mins crosstrainer
25 x mins treadmill
30 x mins weights

Tuesday:

3.2 mile run

2006-09-24T03:29:00.000-07:00

Tried to do one of them tempo run things today innit.

Followed my original 5k training route from when I first started marathon training, which is basically a fairly boring, fairly flat route around Hove, with a few shallow inclines thrown in.

Every time I run at the moment I feel pretty nauseous. It's the side effects from the medication I'm taking so I understand why, but even so, it's pretty unpleasant. It comes in waves and just as it gets to the point where I'm certain I'll have to stop and throw up, it seems to pass. Lovely.

I feel like I'm going so slowly when I run outside at the moment. It feels like I'm going miles slower than on the treadmill. Yet my hr is much, much higher. Today it hovered around the 180 mark for most of the run but at one point it reached 191 and I had to stop and walk for about 45 seconds which I was pissed off about. But I did feel like my head was spinning so it seemed the sensible thing to do. I ate some porridge beforehand so there wasn't really any reason for the lack of energy, but I felt so feeble.

However, when I got home I checked out the stats and I ran 3.191 miles in 33:41 which is faster than I normally do it in. Can't understand why it felt so slow. That's about a 10:33 pace. Couldn't possibly imagine doing twice that though. It's funny - it seems that whatever distance you're training for, it seems like a bloody long way whether it's 26 miles or 6.

2006-09-23T10:46:00.000-07:00

Did a hill workout today, then went to the gym to do some other stuff. I went last night after work too, but as I was halfway through getting changed I realised I'd forgotten my trousers. So I couldn't do anything and was really pissed off. Decided to walk the longest, hilliest route home just so I could at least do half an hour of something.

Not sure exactly what I'm supposed to do on these hill workouts; must read up. I basically just ran up and down it for the equivalent of about two miles. It's about a third of a mile I think. It was bloody hard. I notice how much more I have to use my arms.

Friday:

2 mile walk

Saturday:

2 x miles hills
15 x mins crosstrainer
30 mins weights

2006-09-21T16:00:00.000-07:00

No running/exercise Tuesday, felt like such a lumpen blob on Wednesday. I'm sure it's all in my head but seems if I miss one day I pay for it the next. Shit, anyone reading this is going to think I'm one of those weird gym freaks. I'm honestly not. I just like to try and do something active every day because I spend most days sitting on my arse in front of a screen. So I do get withdrawals if I don't get my fix.

Wednesday:

Due to a scatterbrained mix-up involving forgotten keys, lockers and running shoes, ended up having to go back to the gym tonight instead of my planned outside run. Never mind...

15 x mins crosstrainer
35 x mins run (25 mins @ 175 hr)
20 mins weights
20 mins powerplate

Thursday:

Wanted to do some weights so decided to run to the gym tonight which is not quite two miles from home. I mixed up the route to take in as many inclines as possible, so this was kind of a cross between a tempo run and a hill run. It took just under twenty minutes but I had to stop for what seemed like ages at one point to cross the road. I ran up Furze Hill and Clifton Hill, which I've never been up before, and which seemed pretty steep but probably aren't. I passed about a billiion other runners tonight; they must be popular hills.

This wasn't/isn't going to be my proper hill training location; I'm going to do that on the long steep slope at the marina. But it's not that appealing down there after dark, so will save those workouts for the weekends I think. But the route tonight was good for a taster. My hr was easily going over 180 as I reached the crest of each hill. I tried to speed up at the end, just to propel myself to the top. I really frightened a cat at one point. Its tail fluffed out in fear and its ears went back as it saw me approach, gasping for air.

This is the elevation graph. Nice long drop at the end.

20 x mins run
10 x mins fast on treadmill
15 x mins crosstrainer
20 x mins weights
20 x mins powerplate

2006-09-18T15:35:00.000-07:00

Before the race yesterday I woke up with a pain in my left shin, worse when lifting my foot up, which I just ignored. After the race, G & J and I went for a walk in the country and it really started to hurt. I forgot to ice it last night and this morning it was pretty bad so I decided to skip a proper run today. I also felt so exhausted today. What a wimp. Hard to believe I ran more than five times that distance only three months ago.

Never mind.

20 x mins crosstrainer
10 x mins step machine
15 x mins treadmill
15 x mins powerplate

(Yes, I did succumb to a tiny little run and I felt a bit better afterwards too).

I got the official results online. The winner did it in 26:01. How is that humanly possible? 55:16 was my official time. Fourth from last. Told a few people about it today and they were in hysterics.

2006-09-17T06:30:00.000-07:00

About two miles into today's race, I thought, how am I going to write this up on my blog? I thought, how am I going to explain or justify to myself that I pulled out due to embarrassment?

When I got down to the beach this morning, I immediately thought: what the fuck am I doing here? For some reason, probably because I'd done absolutely no research whatsoever, but for some reason I thought this 5 miler would just be some kind of fun-run and there'd be loads of all types of people there. But it wasn't like that at all. It was a group of about 150 lean, mean running machines, all wearing running club t-shirts, every single one. I literally did not spot one person, other than me, who wasn't affiliated to some athletics club or other. I felt totally mortified. I knew the whole thing was going to be a humiliating nightmare - and it was. Anyway, I did carry on, despite myself, and I'll get this over with now, and say that I came (I think) fifth or sixth from last. And I'm pretty sure everyone behind me was either a cripple or an octogenarian. As I was rounding the final bend all the marshalls were clapping and saying 'Well Done!' as though they were talking to a five year old. The whole thing was just awful and has really put me off ever doing a race again, unless it's specifically for people who are athletically challenged. Hideous.

I don't know what my official time is yet, apparently the results will be up on some website or other sometime this week, but I don't really want to see. By my watch, anyway, it was 55:10. But I think the official time will be a bit slower than that as there was no chip timing and I started right at the very back.

Absolutely dreading this bloody race in Texas now.

2006-09-16T04:00:00.000-07:00

God I feel so out of shape. Ran along the beach this morning, first time outside for over a month. I've been really stupid, I've developed this slightly weird fear/dislike of running on concrete (it hurts my legs) but I've just given in to it, instead of getting out there and getting over it.

Only ran 3.5 miles this morning, and I didn't time myself so I've no idea how long it took, but it wasn't pleasant. My HR was at a steady 180 pretty much all through it which is ridiculous. It was also really hot. I look like an aubergine.

My shins hurt. From the top of my foot to about halfway up my legs. At one point I even had to stop and walk for a minute too, although that was mainly due to the side effects of the medication I'm taking at the moment. What else? Hmmm. Only had five hours sleep last night, that was silly. But ... end of excuses. I need to start road running again.

1 x 3.5 mile run.

2006-09-14T16:09:00.000-07:00

Had quite a long chat with Reni in the gym tonight. She used to run for Australia. She also played football in the Athens Olympics. We talked about a lot of stuff, and she's really nice, but I sense she's more than a little sceptical about me and my reasons for not getting anywhere. But that's ok. I would be too, if I didn't know any better. She's very excited about my upcoming race though which is sweet. Perhaps she'd like to do it for me.

10 x mins crosstrainer
45 x mins run (15 mins @ 145 HR / 30 mins at 175 HR)
10 x mins weights
10 x mins powerplate

2006-09-13T13:07:00.000-07:00

Wow - two days off. Not what I wanted but couldn't be helped. There's such a small window of the day in which to work out and if something comes along to scupper it then that's it. I thought the break would refresh me, and it probably hasn't done any harm at all, but tonight I feel truly knackered and a bit achey so I don't know.

There are intense lightning flashes going on outside as I write this.

10 x mins crosstrainer
5k run
10 x mins powerplates
20 x mins weights

2006-09-10T09:53:00.000-07:00

Making the most of the late summer sun, yesterday Spock, Dani, Tess, Stella and I went for a little mini-hike along the South Downs Way. I originally thought it was about 5 miles, then looked a bit more closely at the map and decided it was about seven. Then today I plotted it on to gmaps and it was actually nearer nine miles. We took the train to Glynde and walked south across the fields, crossing the A27, and on up the fairly steep ascent to the top of the Downs. Then we walked across the top, looking out to sea. It was a really beautiful day; clear, warm and breezy. We carried on to Firle Beacon and then down the northern side into the village of Alciston, which is about as idyllic an English village as you're ever likely to find. Stopped at the Rose & Crown Inn and had a long leisurely lunch in the garden. I thought it was quite interesting that everyone was talking about blisters and aching feet and legs, because I actually felt completely fine. I didn't say anything, but I just thought - a couple of years ago, it would've been the complete opposite. I would've probably been still on the first ascent while they were all in the pub. It's such a total novelty for me to be marching off ahead on the steep bits while everyone else is twenty feet behind. It was completely knackering though, in parts. My heart rate was probably easily as fast as it would be on an average run.

I found this image of a painting of Firle Beacon on the web, which I really like. And it shows the gradient quite well.

After lunch we carried on to the village of Berwick, another couple of miles away, but mainly flat. We missed the train by one minute and spent the wait in another pub before catching the next train back to Brighton. All said we must do it more often. As soon as I got back, I felt compelled to go to the gym for some strange reason. It's right next door to the station I suppose.

Saturday:

8.8 mile walk
10 x mins crosstrainer
3 x mile run
20 x mins powerplate

Sunday:

10 x min crosstrainer
3 x mile run
20 x mins powerplate

2006-09-07T16:39:00.000-07:00

10 x mins crosstrainer
50 x mins run @ 155/160 HR.
40 x mins weights

This was almost exactly the same length run that I did Monday night, at the same speed, but tonight I couldn't keep my HR down to 145 as intended. I'm knackered, maybe that has something to do with it. Didn't sleep a wink last night.

2006-09-05T16:58:00.000-07:00

10 x mins crosstrainer
40 min run @ 140 rising to 175 HR
20 x mins weights/powerplate

2006-09-04T16:14:00.000-07:00

Sneaked out of work a bit early today so I could meet Spock in the gym. She's now a fully paid up member, and we might even do some classes together. Eeeek! I hate classes with a passion, but maybe doing them with a friend will be different. And there are so many on offer, all included in the membership, so it seems a shame not to try some.

Am now trying this heart-rate training lark in the run up to this ludicrous 10k coming up in October. I have high hopes.

10 x mins crosstrainer
55 x mins @ 65 - 70% of max HR (It felt slow. I didn't really feel knackered at any point. Just a bit bored). Think it was about 8k, or just under.
15 x mins powerplate

2006-09-03T09:46:00.000-07:00

G & I were supposed to be running the Littlehampton 10k today; the race that I originally thought would be the first one I'd do after the marathon.

I don't know what happened really, it just crept up on us and then on holiday I said: you do realize this race is in two weeks, don't you...? Neither of us felt ready for it or that we'd trained enough, but the truth is we both could easily have done it, especially G who is just getting faster and faster and faster. (I would never have been able to do it in the time I wanted). Also, because the next (and far more conveniently located) race is only two weeks away it didn't seem such a big deal. But still slightly disappointing, although, when I saw the weather this morning - gale force winds, rain, black clouds - I didn't mind too much.

I was going to have a total day off today but ... I don't feel like I should be having days off at the moment. I don't really feel the need for them. Plus I have loads of work things coming up in the next few weeks which mean I'm going to be forced to take days off when I don't want to.

15 x mins crosstrainer
10 x mins step machine
15 x mins bike (zzzzzz.... boring)
10 x mins cardiowave
15 x mins run
10 x mins powerplate

2006-09-02T14:49:00.000-07:00

We are going to do the Hove Promenade 5 mile race in two weeks, if there are still places.

Thing is, I've got a bit of an aversion to running outside at the moment which is weird because a few months ago it was the complete opposite. I think it's because I've been doing far too much treadmill running lately, and whenever I do go outside I find it much harder; it makes my legs really ache.

I suppose I just need to get out there and get on with it.

But the weather too - bleugh. It's positively autumnal now. Today is ridiculous. It's pouring with rain, and the bins outside the front door have just blown halfway across the street it's so windy. Thankfully someone else has gone to retrieve them; I'm all snug in me PJs. Exciting life.

10 x mins crosstrainer.
6k run (started at 12.30 pace built up to 9:32 pace at end)
20 x mins powerplate.

2006-09-01T11:18:00.000-07:00

I need some new running shoes. The mesh is going. Will wait until the States though; why pay £80 when I can get them for £30.

Quick Friday workout.

10 x mins crosstrainer
15 x mins treadmill (1 x 10:00 min mile, jog, then 1 x 200m @ 8:46 pace)
15 x mins weights
10 x mins powerplate

2006-08-31T13:47:00.000-07:00

Tried to do some kind of hills workout tonight, in a fashion.

Ran at a slow pace for an hour, upping the incline every three minutes. By the time I got to around 35 minutes, my heart rate was hovering around the 185 mark so it was hitting the spot. I then brought it back down over the next fifteen minutes and then sped up for the last ten minutes on the flat, at about a 9:50 pace. Didn't feel any aches or pains so that was good. Just a bit knackered.

10 x mins crosstrainer
60 mins run - approx 8k
20 mins powerplate.

2006-08-30T14:38:00.000-07:00

Had a day off proper running today. Sort of. Was also working from home today. Sort of.
Had to go to the doctors for a repeat spirometry test. I took a whopping 3 years off my lung age. Yes. Now my lungs are only 54 years old, not 57. The test was much tougher this time. I had to do it a bit differently, about 11 or 12 times. I thought I was going to faint afterwards. It took nearly half an hour too. ... So I await the full results with interest.

Slipped into the gym afterwards for a quick workout.

10 mins crosstrainer
15 mins run (1 x mile @ 9.54 pace then 3 min jog then 2 min @ 8.19 pace)
10 mins cardiowave. I know I sound like a stuck record but this thing is a killer.
20 x mins powerplate.

2006-08-29T15:48:00.000-07:00

There's a woman in the gym that I see frequently. Pretty, blonde, nice and friendly-looking. About my age, maybe a bit older. She's a runner; a really serious runner. I quite often look at her on the treadmill and think... my god, I'll never be like that. She just has that ferocious concentration in her eyes and she runs crazily fast and steadily, for hours. Never has music on. Always wears really tight lycra. Totally lean and lithe. 100% pure muscle. You know the type.

I had a good chat with Reni, the personal trainer tonight. She was asking me how I was getting on, and was interested in my upcoming 10k and how I was going to train for it. She gave me some tips about breathing when tired and told me to try it next time. As I was talking to her, this woman came over and asked Reni about some stretches to try, as she was training for a 10k and was having some problems with her hamstring. Reni said something like 'oh wow the whole world's training for a 10k it seems'. This woman then said 'why, who else is?' and Reni said 'she is, too' gesturing to me. I've never seen such an appallingly disguised look of derision and disbelief as the one that momentarily (quite a long moment) swept across this woman's face as she looked me up and down, before she regained her composure. I know I'm not imagining it because Reni said to her 'what? what do you mean?' in a confused voice. I didn't hear or see the woman's response after that because I'd gone to fill up my water bottle, my cheeks burning. I mean, I do get this reaction sometimes, but a lot milder, and I'm normally able to convince myself that I'm just being paranoid anyway. But this was different. And the most ridiculous thing is, as I walked away, instead of feeling pissed off, I was thinking oh, I hope I didn't make it obvious that she upset me because then she might feel really bad and embarrassed. I'll pretend I didn't notice anything.

The weird thing about it, is that fifteen minutes previously I had run alongside her for 45 non-stop minutes. So why would she be so amazed? Maybe she just hadn't noticed me, I suppose.

15 x mins crosstrainer
2 x mile run slowish (11:20 rising to 10:40 pace)
then 4 x 400 metres @ 9:45 / 9.30 pace with 3 min jog recoveries
then jog to finish
20 mins powerplate

Sometimes 400 metres feels like an entire circumnavigation of the globe. And back.

2006-08-28T13:27:00.000-07:00

Went to mum and dad's for country run but overnight storms had turned the track into a slippery mudbath.

Back to gym then.

15 x mins crosstrainer
30 x mins run on treadmill 'HILLS' Level 6.
I found this quite easy for some reason, so might try level 8 or 9 next time.
20 x mins powerplate
30 x mins weights
lots of stretching.

... all this fucking exercise and I still can't touch my toes.

2006-08-27T11:20:00.000-07:00

I think I feel almost back to normal now. Still a bit of tightness for some reason, but nothing major.

10 x mins crosstrainer
7k run - 48:47. Avg pace 11:12 but I started at a 12:40 pace and finished at 8:37. Tough last bit, my legs felt tired and my guts felt dodgy.

Tomorrow gonna run outside. Really strong winds today; hope they die down.

2006-08-25T13:35:00.000-07:00

Legs felt a bit better tonight - not back to normal yet, but hopefully heading that way. I am having a day off tomorrow (long day up to Watford and back) but that's probably not a bad thing.

Really quick run tonight as the gym closes at the ridiculous hour of 7pm on a Friday. I could've gone outside but I wanted to do some speedwork and I prefer to do that on a treadmill. It's much easier to monitor what you're doing. Plus I don't even own a watch.

10 x minutes crosstrainer.
1.5 mile warm up run
6 x 200 metre sprints with 100m recoveries @ 9.30 pace (first three) and 8.40 pace (last three)

2006-08-24T15:22:00.001-07:00

I seem to be suffering, this week, from something that feels very much like shin splints. I haven't had any pains like this for a very long time - not since the full on days of marathon training.

I don't think it can actually be shin splints, because normally they are brought on by overtraining, or by running on hard surfaces, or by doing too much too soon or something, hardly accurate for me this week. I'm trying to think back to what I've done lately for some clues. Before I went on holiday, I was doing quite a lot of short, hard runs, with a couple of longer, slower runs thrown in here and there. I didn't really experience any leg pain at all during these workouts. The toughness of the runs came from running faster.

Nearly all of those runs were done on a treadmill. Then, when I went on holiday I ran on paved roads. The first one I did, I really noticed that my legs felt quite sore, but I was able to carry on. The second one felt the same, maybe a little worse. But again, I was able to complete the whole four miles.

My first visit back to the gym this week, described in my last post, felt insanely tough. I'd not run for six days, but even so. I could only manage twenty minutes before I actually thought my lower legs would snap. I couldn't really understand it and it made me feel miserable.

Yesterday I went back to the gym hoping it was just a blip, but I actually had to stop running after just 13 minutes. My lower legs, at the back, just above the heel (what is this? achilles tendon? soleus muscle? I'm not really sure) felt so incredibly tight and rigid and painful that I was unable to carry on. I went and sat on a bench and pummelled them a bit and they were as hard as steel. Like trying to massage a lamppost. It was also very swollen, on the left side, where my hang-gliding scar is. I just sat and rubbed them for ten minutes and did loads of stretching, and then got back on the treadmill. It felt a little better. I ran a mile at 10.40 min pace. But it was still pretty sore towards the end.

I felt quite depressed last night. I was going to write a post that just said:

June 11th - 26.2 miles
August 23rd - 1.2 miles

but I decided against it. That's what was on my mind though. How, just over two months ago, could I run a marathon, albeit very slowly, and now not be able to run a couple of miles? It doesn't make sense.

Tonight I went to the gym with the intention of trying to run four miles, which is what the plan has been for the last two nights, but then once I was there, I just thought - sod this. I'm just going to have a good workout then go home. I'm not going to set myself any running goals tonight. So when I got on the treadmill, I just started running without any plan. It did feel a little bit better tonight. The pain was much less. I got to twenty minutes and stopped, but felt that I could have carried on. I thought that was a good way to leave it. I'll go again tomorrow if I get time, or Sunday. Hopefully by then, it'll be back to normal. I really hope so.

Wednesday:

15 x mins crosstrainer
13 x mins run
10 x mins cardiowave
20 x mins weights
15 x mins powerplate

Thursday:

15 x mins crosstrainer
20 x mins treadmill
15 x mins step machine
15 x mins cardiowave
20 x mins powerplate
5 x mins treadmill ('sprint')

I also found this blog which is quite informative

2006-08-22T13:22:00.000-07:00

Back home.

Could only grab an hour in the gym tonight as I had to work late.

I was a lazy fucker on holiday all last week in France; I only ran twice, making up excuses about the rain and the heat, and now I'm paying for it. But really, I don't think I'm cut out to be a runner. I feel like a fraud just writing the word 'runner'. I'm trying to be a realist rather than a defeatist - and I just think I might need to find a different sport. If, after not running for six days, I struggle to run even twenty minutes then I kind of don't see the point really. How can I just lose it so quickly? For me, if I'm going to commit a lot of time to something, then I've either got to enjoy it or feel that somewhere along the line, I'm getting better at it, which would be its own reward. With running, I don't feel either. I feel like I'm going backwards, literally and figuratively. It's not that it's hard work. I don't give a shit about that. It's just the total lack of progress.

15 x mins crosstrainer
30 x mins treadmill
10 x mins powerplate

2006-08-15T11:32:00.000-07:00

Update no.2....

Waited for the rain to subside to a drizzle and ventured out again. Was much better this time around although my calves felt like they had lead weights inside them and my feet went numb at the end. One day I'm going to get to the bottom of why this keeps happening.

It was lovely and cool and I ran through puddles to splash myself.

1 x 4 miles plus 4 x 20 minute sprints.

We think the route might be more like 4.5 miles and will measure it in the car tomorrow. Unfortunately I forgot to bring my heart rate monitor, pedometer or even a watch, and my mobile ran out of battery en route so I've no idea how long it took.

2006-08-15T09:26:00.000-07:00

Update...

I'm sitting here waiting for the rain to stop. It's about 6.20pm and has been pouring relentlessly for the last two hours. We are trapped inside.

The storm began when we were out on a bike ride this afternoon. Lightning forked down on all sides and the sky was yellowy-black and we all got soaked. But at least it was a hard half-hour of exercise, especially the speed we came back at, so if I don't make it out for another run tonight it won't be the end of the world I suppose.

I could just go out in the rain I guess, but it's that kind of thick, solid rain that drenches you in five seconds and the thunder and lightning is also a bit offputting. Depressingly, the forecast is for more of the same for the rest of the week.

Still. We have the Olympics on Thursday and Ironman on Friday.

2006-08-15T01:00:00.000-07:00

Crap run this morning. Set out to do five miles, had to turn back after two. Crippling stomach-ache. Tried to keep going but couldn't. Had to turn and walk back.

Not sure how to explain this. I do feel really out of shape at the moment (since leaving for France). Is it possible for this to happen in the space of four days? It's weird. Running this morning felt like what I imagine it would feel like if I'd pulled on my shoes and set off without having done any exercise for two months. Maybe something to do with a change in diet and eating times on holiday. G's cooking, although delicious (apart from last night's very rare duck....) is extremely rich, heavy and calorific and we always eat really late in the evening (literally about 11pm) as it takes him all night to cook it. He is an obsessive foodie in every sense of the word. Normally, I never eat later than about 7pm and normally I eat my main meal in the middle of the day.

And I'm not sure I like running in the mornings. Every time I do it, which admittedly is not very often, it always feels twice as hard. This morning Glyn and I got up early and went straight away and within about half a mile I felt all wrong. My breathing was really laboured and I just felt exhausted. I never feel like this when I run in the evenings. I suppose you just get used to it in the end if you do it often enough. But now I feel on a bit of a downer and will have to go out again tonight to make up for it.

Another thing I've decided is that I don't like running with other people. In fact, I hate it, and I don't think I'm going to do it again. Nothing personal against anyone but I've noticed that it makes me feel so anxious that I never enjoy it. I always say to people 'just run off ahead' but they always say 'oh no, let's run together' and then about five minutes later say 'actually, I can't run this slow...' and run off on their own to 'stretch their legs out' which is what I wish they'd just do in the first place. I know it's stupid to worry about it but I can't seem to help it. I prefer to just be alone.

2 x miles.

2006-08-13T12:44:00.000-07:00

Left Hove at 8 o'clock Friday morning and arrived at the halfway point just south of Orleans at around 7pm same night. The drive was fine; just long. Entertaining a six year old in the back seat of a car for hours on end is a newly acquired skill. Stayed at a gorgeous B&B on the shore of a lake but it was pouring with rain when we arrived. Torrential. No run.

Second day's drive was another long one as we got stuck in really bad, really painful traffic just as we entered the Dordogne. My newly acquired skill was worthless by about lunchtime and cries of 'are we there yet?' and 'but when are we there?' filled the rest of the journey. Finally arrived about 8pm. Too knackered to do anything but collapse in a chair. France seems so much bigger when you drive it.

First day of holiday proper today. Big, black slow-moving clouds, intermittent (boiling) sun, and on-and-off rain all day. Lay by the pool drifting in and out of sleep. Finally got out about 6.30pm. Ran for about 45 mins along a paved lane that ran alongside the River Lot to a beautiful medieval village called Clairac (and back). Approximately four miles I think; I was running very slowly. Gorgeous scenery all around - vineyards and fields of sunflowers. My shins felt really sore tonight. I think this might be because I've hardly done any road-running lately.

1 x 4 mile run.

2006-08-10T13:20:00.000-07:00

Last session at the gym before going on holiday tomorrow.

I hope it won't be too hot to run in France as I really don't fancy getting up at 5am every morning but I will if I have to.

I really enjoyed my run tonight. I really, really did! Don't say that very often. But it felt comfortable. Not easy, just... manageably challenging. Obviously I know it's still really slow, but actually I think it's the fastest time I've done for a 5k so far.

20 x mins crosstrainer
30 x mins weights
5k run - 32 mins 58 secs (10:36 pace)
20 mins power plate

Not really sure what I should do while I'm away. Do a few moderately paced miles every day, or some speedier stuff or run up hills or whatnot. God knows. Maybe there'll even be some nice fields to run across. We're going to be in the middle of nowhere I think.

As usual it's the night before and I've not even begun to even think about packing yet.

2006-08-08T13:08:00.000-07:00

Had a session with one of the new personal trainers tonight, Reni. Well not really a session, more like a review. She's Australian and completely insane. She is also an ex-national long distance runner, which unfortunately I didn't really get time to talk her about in depth. She's small and wiry and looks like she could run 100 miles with a 150lb rucksack on her back without breaking a sweat - and one of those people who are so incredibly hyper that they would burn 1000 calories simply by sitting in a chair all day. She's really nice too.

15 x mins crosstrainer
30 x mins weights
2 x mile run (19 mins 50 seconds - wooohooo!)
But I have to confess that at one point I had to hold on to the treadmill as I felt sick and had a stitch. Honestly, pathetic really. It's only a ten min mile pace for twenty minutes for god's sake. But it nearly kills me.

Plus:
10 x mins run (with Reni, to talk about breathing)

2006-08-06T10:55:00.000-07:00

I am soooo knackered. Didn't go to bed till 3.30am last night. Felt delirious in the gym.

15 x mins crosstrainer
2 x mile run (20 mins 13 secs)
30 x mins weights
20 x powerplate.

This run felt very tough. Thought my heart was going to burst out my ribs and splatter all over the display in the last 60 seconds. I was trying to do it in under twenty minutes but it was not to be. Not today, anyway.

I guess I need to start doing some hill training - mmm, my favourite. Let's chuck in a few rocks and tree roots and hairpin bends as well for a laugh. Apparently I will be doing this race (below) in October, which is kind of terrifying as I have absolutely no co-ordination whatsoever. Absolutely NONE. So running on anything other than the smoothest of surfaces fills me with terror. Even running across the fields to Ditchling turns me into a wimpering old wuss with flailing octupus arms, as I gingerly negotiate the odd stone and clump of grass with all the spindly confidence of a newborn deer fleeing a pride of lions. So this description of last year's race was almost enough to induce spontaneous sobbing.

"Quick turns, narrow paths, steep limestone slopes (and the occasional scurrying armadillo). The Toughest Race in Texas is a race you have to love. Tough love though. The hills and rocky, single-track trails that surround the St. Stephen’s School in northwest Austin, make for tricky footing, beautiful vistas and very slow times—but a thoroughly satisfying running experience.

Especially on such a beautiful Saturday morning. Which only seemed fitting. Last year, the inaugural year of this race, the skies opened up and the race was cursed with an old-fashioned, gully washer of a storm. It limited the field and made the racing even more hazardous and tricky.

This year, the weather was perfect and more than 500 runners and walkers showed up at St. Stephen’s for a dose of tough love on the rugged terrain.

With a 5-K and a 10-K (not to mention a one-miler), the trails got awfully congested very quickly. Unless you were on the front row and rocketed off the starting line, most were forced to walk or jog single file for much of the race course. Within the first half mile, the 5-K runners converged with the 10-K field, forcing nearly everyone to a walk.

“It was a little frustrating,” said Joseph Kozusko, who finished seventh in the 10-K in 41:24, “because at times it was very difficult to run.”

Making it even more difficult, were the rocky trails and if you swung wide to barrel around the slower runners, you risked a close encounter with a cactus".

Oooh. Can't wait.

2006-08-05T08:11:00.000-07:00

Gym with Spock again. I think I've nearly convinced her to join. We'll see. It was quite empty and - finally - the air-conditioning is fixed. Thank the bleedin' Lord.

15 x mins cross-trainer
2 x mile run (20 mins 46 secs. I am going to break 20 mins within the next week if it kills me)
I wonder if it's because I have 57 year old lungs that I breathe so heavily when I run.
30 x mins weights
20 x mins powerplate

(I read something on the - I think it was Nike - website, about running 10k races. It was an article for beginners and I can't remember it verbatim but it was something along the lines of 'most new or slower runners should expect to finish in around 45 - 55 minutes'. I know I should just ignore things like that, but I can't help but feel a little deflated when I read them as that still feels completely unachievable at the moment. I mean, I don't even care about being good. But I would at least like to be average one day. Still, Gaz and I now have not one but FOUR races booked in for the next few months. The Littlehampton 10k in September, Nike Run London 10k in Hyde Park in October and the Run Hove 5 miler and the Brooks Brighton 10k in November. Plus the torturous cactus infested mountain trail run or whatever it is that I might be doing in Texas. Nice.

G rang this morning to report his best 5k time to date last night (we must have just missed each other on the beach) - 22 mins exactly. He is definitely starting to take it really seriously which is amusing after his months of warning me not to become 'obsessed'. He used to be a serious athlete in his teens but girls and booze took their toll. So now he's making up for lost time.

2006-08-04T16:18:00.000-07:00

So glad it's a bit cooler now. Lovely sunset tonight and light wind. Did same old route to Macca's house but not as far in the other direction. I am knackered today. I've had no more than five hours sleep any night this week, and only two hours on Wednesday. It all catches up with me on a Friday night - I feel done in.

2.9253 miles according to gmaps.
31 minutes.

Hmmmm. This doesn't ring true at all. That's a 10.36 min mile pace. I think the mapping must be inaccurate because I don't believe I did it that fast. Not that it's fast. But I'm positive I wasn't running at that speed. I did pick up the pace at intervals throughout the run, and then slow back down for a bit, but even so. I think this must be wrong.

I really want one of those things; a Garmin.

2006-08-03T15:38:00.000-07:00

So the next day now and Sarah is not too achey and gagging to become a fully paid-up member. Hoorah! I'll believe it when I see it though.

Was very pushed for time tonight as my train broke down on the way home. Unbelievably, the doors wouldn't close so we were stranded at Hassocks station for ages.

Only managed the following:

15 x mins crosstrainer
20 x mins treadmill
15 x mins powerplate
20 x mins weights

2006-08-02T13:12:00.000-07:00

Spock came to the gym tonight as my guest. It was fun. Didn't get as much done but it didn't matter. I wish she would join but I know she won't. It's taken me nearly a year to get her just to come once.

10 x minutes crosstrainer
2 x mile run - 21 mins 29 secs
20 mins powerplate
30 mins weights
some other bits and pieces

Didn't do anything last night as Matthew, Gaz and I went out for dinner in London.

Monday night couldn't get a treadmill for love nor money. It was rammed to the rafters in there for some reason.

20 x mins crosstrainer
25 x mins cardio wave (god, this thing is really hard)
30 x mins powerplate
20 x mins weights

2006-07-30T09:39:00.000-07:00

The so-called 'cool spell' lasted one day then. It's boiling again today.

Gym was empty which was nice. I guess most people don't spend their precious summer Sunday afternoons sweating in a 100 degree basement. Don't blame them.

20 x mins crosstrainer
2 x mile run (21 mins 47 secs)
30 x mins powerplate
5 x mins cardio wave

2006-07-29T14:28:00.000-07:00

Forgot to say I bought new running trousers yesterday which is how I was able to run last night... exciting, eh.

Only had time to grab 45 mins in the gym today as I decided it was high time I got a grip on my life and decided to file about 7 months worth of mail that has been sitting in little piles around the flat making me miserable. This took nearly all day. And the gym conveniently shuts at 6pm on a Saturday.

10 mins crosstrainer
2 x miles run (22mins 28secs)
10 x mins power plate

2006-07-28T16:15:00.000-07:00

Ran outside tonight for what seems like the first time in ages. I waited till 8.30pm before I even left the flat in a vague attempt to avoid the heat. But it was still really hot. Fortunately though, there was a strong wind down on the beach. Normally, I hate running into the wind, but tonight, despite the fact that it slowed me down even further (if that's possible) I was just thankful for the coolness. As soon as I turned and ran back in the other direction it felt horrid again. Hot and sticky. But overall I enjoyed this run. My feet went numb after four miles but I ran through it, and had a final spurt of energy at the end which was weird.

I ran from the flat down to the lagoon as far as Paul McCartney's house, then turned and came all the way back to the West Pier, then back all the way to the lagoon again and back as far as Babylon lounge.

5.3 miles
1 hour 1 minute.

Wednesday night went to gym.

If this was someone else's blog that I happened to stumble upon, I would think after reading it - my god, all that girl does is moan and make excuses all the time. And it's true. But the last couple of weeks do seem to have been quite trying. I really do find it difficult to function in this weather. I know it's not exactly desert-like, but I'm not used to exercising in 90+ degree heat. No matter where I go, I can't seem to escape it. My south-facing flat with its floor-to-ceiling windows is an all day suntrap, and walking through the door at night is like walking into a sauna. Opening the windows and balcony doors makes no difference. I work in a sweltering, stuffy office with no air-conditioning. I make an hour long train journey twice a day with four million other sweaty herberts. And then to top it all off, the gym is like a furnace. The entire air-con system needs replacing. Within ten minutes of working out, I and everyone around me are drenched in sweat and nearly keeling over. It's like being in Singapore or New Orleans.

Then... (there's more) there's the issue of my running trousers. These trousers, which I bought exactly three months ago, from a specialist running shop and which cost £45, have been starting to fall apart these past couple of weeks, and now they have finally had it. On Tuesday, they were shredding at the seams so much, that after I'd finished the 5k, they had irritated me to the point that both my legs were bleeding.

So tonight I had to wear, horror of horrors, shorts to the gym. I only own one pair of shorts and they are actually just a loose t-shirt material sort of pyjama type thing, but I was desperate. It was either that or a full-on thick fleecy pair of tracky bottoms. But could I run in them? Could I fuck. As soon as I upped the speed they started to fall down, plus the previous night's wounds were excrutiatingly sore without the protection of any material. How do short wearers deal with chafing on a regular basis?

We have a new machine in the gym. It is really cool. It's called a cardio wave or something. Absolute torture, if you do it quite hard. It feels like the action of walking quickly up a really soft sand dune.

20 x mins cross trainer
15 x mins step machine
15 x mins cardio wave
20 x mins power plate
20 x mins weights
47 seconds treadmill

2006-07-25T13:51:00.000-07:00

Done something to my left calf. I'm so p-i-s-s-i-n-g bored of these niggly almost-injuries that aren't that serious but nevertheless seem to plague me on a weekly basis and stop me from doing what I want to do.

Did it walking up a hill on Sunday evening when we all went out in the country. It wasn't particularly steep or strenuous so I can't really explain it but by yesterday morning the muscle was so tight and tender, and as hard as concrete, that I couldn't walk on it properly. So I took the day off from running. Today it felt a tiny bit better. But it really hurt when I ran; felt rigid and stiff and sore. Plus my running trousers have died.

Never mind.

20 x mins crosstrainer
5k run
20 mins powerplate

2006-07-23T07:25:00.000-07:00

I was sick in the gym today.

It's so hot outside. I thought about getting up at 6am this morning and going for a run along the beach before it got too hot but when the alarm went off I just felt really angry, and couldn't bear to get up. So I didn't. When I eventually rose (about 10.15am) it was already boiling out, and still really humid. So I ended up going back to the gym. I've only run outside about twice in the last two weeks, crazy.

So I got to the gym and the air-conditioning was STILL not working (nearly a week now) and even the one final vent that had still been feebly pumping out a bit of cold air had packed up. I marched back upstairs (the gym is in a basement) indignantly demanding to know what on earth was going on, only to be told 'the system can't cope with this heat'. Well, that's good then. Isn't that the whole point of air-conditioning, for fuck's sake?

Anyway, I was there so I thought I might as well just get on with it. After about the first fifteen minutes of running, which included one 'fast' mile (for me) I started to feel lightheaded but not enough to stop, so I carried on going. Slowed down for an 800m interval then sped up again for second mile. Heart rate was 179. Slowed down again, then started third mile. The sweat was falling off me like a dripping tap. Within about a minute I felt the bile rising inside of me and I had to stop, rush to the loo - and throw up!!! How delightful! That has never happened to me before, ever.

I felt ok after about five minutes but thought it would be wise to call it a day rather than attempt to carry on. I just did some stretching and went home. As I passed the water fountain on the way out, I looked at the thermometer on the wall and it said 102 degrees!!

Now I am just about to go for a five mile hike across the downs....

10 mins crosstrainer
20 mins weights
Approx 3 x miles run total
(5 mins warmup + 2 x miles @ 10 min mile pace with 800m intervals)
1 x puke

2006-07-21T11:32:00.000-07:00

Didn't run last night, went to Spock's for dinner instead, to hang out in her garden and play with all the cats. I felt really guilty though, and when I mentioned this she said I was insane and thinks I'm addicted to running which is preposterous and made me laugh.

I got the 'report' back from the medical screening people today, which is a joke. It basically contains a list of all the results that I already had, a list of recommended foods containing calcium for my bone density (which includes dairy ice-cream, camembert cheese and single cream ... hmmm I'll have nice dense bones but die of a heart attack instead), and a totally inadequate letter, which I'll copy below:

Dear Maxine,

Please find enclosed your results and other information about your recent health screening.

Both your cholesterol levels and blood sugars were OK.

Blood pressure was normal.

Bone density was just below the normal range. To maintain good bone density make sure that you do plenty of impact exercise and have a well balanced intake of calcium within your food - guide enclosed.

Your lung function was very poor. You need to substantially increase your cardiovascular activity and intensity to help develop your lung capacity and function.

Yours sincerely,

The most unenlightening Medical Performance Screening company in the world, ever.

(I made that last bit up).

I have to say, I do feel a bit ripped off. I wasn't expecting a full and detailed analysis, but I was expecting slightly more than this. The screening woman told me the 'report' would be a 'full interpretation' of my results, but I've not actually learned anything extra to what she already told me. I'm going to make an appointment with the doctor about my lungs though. I really don't see how I can increase my cardiovascular activity/intensity that much more. I work out at least five times a week for between 1.5 - 2hrs a time. 3 or 4 times a week I'm running for a minimum of 45 minutes a pop. Christ, surely that's enough? I suppose I could try and do something every single day without fail... maybe I should at least try and get a half hour of full-on cardio under my belt every day. It's just finding the time.... I seem to have a list of a million and one other things that need doing and that never get done as it is. Bollocks to it all. Maybe they'll discover that I've actually only got one lung or something, like that woman DeeDee that I travelled with in Canada. (She was always straggling at the back on all the ridiculously steep hikes we did, and I used to feel pleased that I was not last for once. Then I discovered that she only had one lung and I felt terrible).

Anyway. Managed to leave work a bit early today so got back in time to use the gym before it shuts at the crazy hour of 7pm. Thought it would be cooler than running outside in this thick, soupy heat but the air conditioning is still not working in there and it was hell on earth.

10 mins x crosstrainer
4 x miles easy run (Oops, got a bit bored and did one of the miles quite fast. Shoot me.)
10 mins x powerplate.

2006-07-19T16:48:00.000-07:00

There are many unfathomable questions in life. Like, what purpose do wasps serve? How do planes stay in the sky? How can people eat licorice? But what I really want to know is, where the fuck is my heart rate monitor? It has disappeared off the face of the earth.

So today was officially the hottest day of the year so far and the hottest July day EVER, beating the long-standing standing record of 1911. Not quite the hottest day of all time though, which was in 2003. But I believe it was about 99 degrees today.

It's amazing what a fuss everyone's making about it. While kids are getting their legs blown off in Beirut and Nazareth, all our papers are proclaiming HEATWAVE! as their lead headline. Nevertheless, it is extremely hot - I've not felt heat like this since Austin last September but at least in Texas they have air-conditioning everywhere. My flat is like an oven, the trains are grim, work is the absolute pits, and to top it all off, the air-conditioning in the gym has broken down too, which is a bit like a bad dream. I just can't get cool.

If I only had a bit more time to myself. If only I had time to run or workout in the mornings. But I get up at 6am and am gone by 7 as it is. I suppose I could get up at 5am and go for a run then...... or maybe not. Really, I have about a two-hour window every day in which I can run, from around 7pm when I get back to Brighton to around 9pm when the gym closes, or it starts to get dark. I don't really like running on my own in the dark all that much. So if anything happens to alter my plans (like tonight) or if I have other things to do, then I'm buggered. I like my gym, but the opening hours are shite. It's only open from 7am till 9pm every day and only till 7pm on Fridays. Saturdays 9 till 6, and Sundays 10 - 5. Rubbish! When I stayed with Aprill in Dallas, her gym was open 24 hours a day. And it had a full size running track inside!

Tonight I got back much later than anticipated because the train had a speed restriction imposed as the tracks had buckled in the heat (honestly...). Then, when I got back to Brighton, the building next door but one to the gym was on fire! I counted eleven fire engines outside and two ambulances. It was pretty serious. There was thick black smoke pouring out the top of the building. Amazingly, the gym was still open so I went inside, but it was quite smoky, and of course, no air-con. Perfect conditions really, on a 99 degree day. I did a little warm-up and some weights first, for about half an hour, and left myself about an hour to run four slow miles and do some stretching. Then, 17 minutes into my run, we were evacuated! I was so bloody annoyed not to be able to finish.

Never mind. There were at least three very handsome fireman hanging around outside to soften the blow.

15 x mins crosstrainer
20 x mins weights
17 x mins run (approx 2.5k)

2006-07-18T13:09:00.000-07:00

Oh my god. It is so bloody hot. Today MUST have been the hottest day of the year so far. We have no air-conditioning at work, and I sit in the middle of an open-plan office, not even next to a window. The breeze from the nearest fan just about reaches the ends of my hair if I'm lucky. I thought I was going to melt into a pool of mush today. At what temperature does it become illegal to make people go to work? It must have been over 90f in there today.

Tried to wait for as long as possible before running tonight but it didn't seem to be getting much cooler so decided just to brave it. Ran round to Gareth's to pick him up (just under a mile) and was already burning up by the time I knocked on the door. He wasn't ready of course (was assembling a new fan) and made me wait at least another fifteen minutes. Ridiculous really as we only ran together for five minutes before going off in opposite directions.

Just couldn't hack it tonight. It was just so unbearably hot and it felt really laboured. Tomorrow is apparently going to be over 100 degrees as well so will probably go back to the gym. Hopefully it will get a bit cooler by the weekend.

2.5 miles. Don't know how long it took... roughly 25 minutes I think. Something like that.

2006-07-17T15:02:00.000-07:00

Slightly better today, but I still didn't achieve exactly what I set out to achieve so I don't feel particularly pleased although I'm trying not to bathe in self-pity like I was the other day.

I'm now attempting these speedwork sessions that the man with a plan has fixed me up with, and the main thing they've taught me so far is just how very comfortably indeed I've been wallowing around in my comfort zone, for God knows how long. I've got myself to a point where I can run indefinitely at a very slow pace, and my idea of improvement up until the last few days, was adding an extra mile or two to my endurance levels. I thought that by running longer, it meant that I was getting fitter. I'm sure it probably does, on some levels. But the marathon is over now, and I always said that after it was done, I wanted to concentrate on getting faster over shorter distances. I think I just said this without really realising what it actually meant. The only way to become a faster runner, is to practise running faster. And when I try and do this for any prolonged amount of time (and even 1 minute feels like a prolonged amount of time at the moment) it becomes blatantly obvious that I have not been pushing myself one iota over the last few months. I reached a level where I knew I would make it round the marathon, and stuck with it. That's ok. I'm not unhappy about that. But now I feel like I'm starting again from scratch. Today, I ran for an hour, and at the end of the session, I was drenched in sweat. Soaked. That hasn't happened for a very long time. At the end of the session, my lungs were on fire and the centre of my chest felt raspy and sore as I breathed in and out. My heart was pounding, my head was spinning and I felt sick. I wasn't even going FAST! Just faster than I'm used to. I think it's going to be a long old struggle this. But that's OK!

10 minutes cross trainer
1 x hour treadmill:
20 mins run starting at 8kph rising to 10kph, then -
2 x 200 metres at 8.43 min mile pace with 200m recovery jogs in between
1 x 400 metres at 8.45 min mile pace with 400m recovery.
Repeat x 3. Except during the third set the recovery jog became a brisk walk I'm afraid to say.
Gentle-ish jog to make up an hour... total distance 7.74km.
20 mins power plate.

2006-07-15T08:37:00.000-07:00

Shit, crap, rubbish sodding run.

I really hate running sometimes. I really hate how it puts me in a bad mood for the rest of the day if it doesn't go according to plan. I'm such a grump right now, I could punch someone.

Not even going to detail what I did today as it was so pointless.

Last night I had the medical screening at the gym. Here are the basic results although I'll get a full report in a weeks time which will hopefully include some interpretations.

My blood pressure was 128 over 69. The benchmark is 130 over 85 so it's still fine, but when I had it done a week before the marathon it was 102 over 76. Also, my pulse was 71 and it was 52 last time. Maybe that's because I was at the peak of all the marathon training at that point.

My bone density was -1.4 which was slightly below average. (Anything between -1.0 and -2.5 is considered below average; below -2.5 is pretty much a diagnosis of osteoporosis according to the notes she gave me). I was a bit disappointed with this but she said it was essentially fine, although I should concentrate on doing more high impact exercise (MORE!?) and more strength and resistance work to get it up above -1.0.

My blood/cholesterol tests seem to be ok, but again I'm not really sure what to compare them to. They're all measured in millimoles (eh?) per litre.

Triglycerides (fatty acids) were 0.94 - healthy range is anything below 3.5.
HDL (good cholesterol) was 2.06 - healthy range 1.2 and above
LDL (bad cholesterol was 2.0 - healthy range below 4.0
Glucose was 4.96 - healthy range between 4.0 and 8.0
TC (Total cholesterol) was 4.5 - healthy range less than 5.2
TC/HDL Ratio was 2.2 - healthy range less than 4.5

This all lead to a cardio attack risk in the next ten years score of 0.0% - healthy range less than 5% for someone under 45 yrs. Seems strange that they can give you a score of zero. Surely there's always some risk, no matter how tiny?

The final test was a spirometer reading, which is a test for lung capacity. I had to blow into a tube as forcefully as possible and then continue to blow out for as long as I could. Before I did this, she entered all my info into a computer, height, age, etc, and the computer draws a line on a graph which is its predicted result for someone with the same criteria. Then you blow into the thing and your actual line is supposed to more or less match the predicted line. Graph looks a bit like this:

Anyway, I did the test, which I found quite difficult. I did it three times in all. At the end she said 'wow, that's the best I've seen all week!' and I was feeling quite pleased with myself, but turns out she spoke way too soon. Although my FEV1 score (what you can blow out in 1 second) was much higher than the predicted line, the other part, how long you can keep blowing for, was terrible. Much, much less than predicted. The final score for the test overall is given to you as a 'lung age', ie ideally my lung age should've been the same as my actual age. Before the test, I was initially feeling quite smug, thinking it might come out around 28 or 29 or something, but when all the results from all three tests were computed it came out at 57!! My lungs are equal to those of a 57 year old woman! I was totally shocked, and so was she, and she ran it through again but it came out the same. I'm really confused about this but I'm not going to worry about it unduly until I get the final report and see what it says. However, I did do a bit of research on the internet last night, which I know is usually a bad idea when it comes to all things medical, but I just wanted to understand it a bit better. What I found was loads of information about giving up smoking with info such as this from a quitting smoking advice website: 'most very heavy smokers (30+ per day) find that after taking a spirometer test their lung age is often 10 - 15 years older than their actual age and this information is often enough to make them kick the habit'. GREAT!!! 10 - 15 years older for someone smoking 30 fags a day. Mine is 23 years older! I feel quite gutted about this, but will wait and see what the report says.

Anyway, it was all very interesting, and I'd like to have it done again in six months or a year to see if it changes at all.

So pissed off about my run today. Wish I'd just gone down the beach and done the Sport Relief mile instead.

2006-07-14T07:06:00.000-07:00

When I think how much I used to hate cross-country at school...

Wednesday night ran from mum and dad's to Ditchling and back. Rupert came with me so it was nice to have some company. We ran up to Oldlands Mill (last time I couldn't do this without a walk break so that's a bit of progress I suppose) then across the fields. The view was absolutely gorgeous. It was around 8.30pm and the sun was setting. The whole panorama of the South Downs lay to our right as we ran through fields of golden barley.

The first field was ok; the path was not too overgrown - although it was fairly sloping, and running on a camber is quite hardgoing. Then we went over the stile into the lane and ran downhill to the pond. On the way back we went via the lower field. Had to stop at one point while a family of very tame bunnies lingered on the path in front of us. Then over another stile and into the final field. It got really difficult here as the trail was completely overgrown - grasses and reeds up to our thighs and no discernable path to speak of so was very uneven - lots of hidden rocks and tree roots. Also lots of tiny bugs in the air which I kept breathing in - disgusting. Finally made it back to the main road and then took the long way home.

In the last field, I did something to my leg; don't know what. I just felt a very sharp twinge and it immediately started to hurt. I kept going but every step was accompanied by a very sharp, localised pain right in the middle of my right calf. I stopped for a minute and walked but it was worse, so decided to run the last half mile much faster than my normal pace in an attempt to 'run it out' or whatever. It felt ok, but when I got home it KILLED! Later that night it was throbbing and I could only walk with a limp. It also woke me up in the night and I started to think I'd really damaged it, but the next morning (yesterday) it felt a little bit better. Today it feels a bit better again - still really tight, but not really painful as such. Hopefully tomorrow it'll be fine and I'll be able to run again.

I'd love to be able to run in the countryside, on a warm summer's evening every day of my life. It was beautiful.

Not sure how far we ran, but it took about 45 minutes.

Tonight they're offering loads of free medical checks in the gym so I signed up for a laugh. Bone density and things like that. Sounds like fun.

2006-07-10T12:52:00.000-07:00

It's always so busy in the gym on a Monday night... then fine for the rest of the week. Had a slightly tight left calf tonight but it went away after about twenty minutes. Also, my poor long suffering toe is still suffering post-marathon blues and it flares up now and then - it was really aggravating me tonight. After the marathon, I had such an enormous blister on the end of this toe - the one next to my big toe on my left foot - that it looked like it was wearing a crash helmet. It's gone now, but it's still a wreck. Ho hum.

10 minutes crosstrainer
10 minutes step machine
4 x miles at easy pace
6 x sprints

Same as yesterday except last one at 6.53 min mile pace.

I really can't get my head round how people run that fast for any longer than a couple of minutes. And that they probably don't even think it's fast. I thought smoke was going to come off my feet at the end. Maybe one day I'll be able to do that for a whole mile.

Total distance 8k. Forgot my heart rate monitor so don't know about that.
Plus:
20 mins power plate.

I have one more longish slow run to do at this easy pace thing... and then god knows what he's got in store for me after that.

2006-07-09T07:09:00.000-07:00

Running on a treadmill is SO BORING without music. I would've gone outside today but it was pouring with rain. I don't mind the rain at all, I love running in the rain. But it was torrential and it didn't look like a lot of fun. So stuck in the gym I was, with only an episode of Hart to Hart to keep me company - Christ!

I felt quite tired today, not very energetic at all.

10 mins crosstrainer
10 mins step machine
5 x miles easy pace - AVG HR 160
7 x sprints - AVG HR 185 (meant to do 6 but got confused...)

1 @ 8.46 min mile pace
2 @ 8.23 "
3 @ 8.02 "
4 @ 7.43 "
5 @ 7.25 "
6 @ 7.09 "
7 @ 7.02 "
Then ten more minutes jogging.
Total distance - 10k

20 mins power plate
20 mins weights

God, I was there ages today. Finally left when the woman who stole my iPod arrived. I felt totally paralysed. I was so angry that I didn't do any of the things that I'd planned to do in my head, like a) punching her b) taking her picture on my phone and pinning it up on the wall with the word 'thief' underneath c) grabbing the intercom off the girl upstairs and annoucing to the whole gym that a robbing cow was amongst us or d) asking her if she was enjoying the new Flaming Lips album. I just shot her the most evil stare I could muster and left. How pathetic.

2006-07-06T11:03:00.000-07:00

Aaaarrrghghghghg. Why can't anything be simple and normal and consistent for just ONE WEEK? That's all I ask. Just let me get one week of stress-free running in without something always coming along to ruin it. I woke up this morning with a really sharp, tender pain in my upper back/ribs. It really hurt when I breathed in. I thought maybe I'd just slept a bit funny but it's got worse throughout the day, to the point where I'm now having to consciously take shallower breaths to ease the pain.

Got home and was planning on just ignoring it and still going for my run. (Lovely evening - warm but with sea mist). But I did a little warm up and there's no way I'm going to be able to do it - it just hurts too much to breathe - a pretty essential activity, really. God, I'm so pissed off.

I think I may have strained something last night doing all those weights. I've only recently started coming back to the weights after the marathon training, and I was pushing it quite hard last night.

So Gareth will just have to go without me, not that we would have been together for more than a couple of minutes anyway. What I find amusing is that after months of ribbing me about being 'obsessive' about running, he is now starting to take it really seriously; plotting out all his routes on gmap, writing down his times, proudly announcing his improvements, talking about which races he's going to enter, etc. Stupid big moop.

2006-07-05T13:30:00.000-07:00

What was supposed to be a non-running session at the gym tonight ended up including a short 3k run after all; I just felt like it. I get this strange kind of feeling if I don't run at all - like withdrawal symptons or something, and I found myself getting onto the treadmill despite myself. Only ran for twenty minutes though. Started off at around a 10.40 min mile pace and gradually moved it up till I was doing a 7.09 pace at the end. My god. It felt so fast! I'm not sure I've ever run that fast before, even if it was only for a minute or so. It's such a buzz, but I can't imagine ever being able to maintain it for long. How anyone can run like that for a whole marathon is completely beyond me.

15 x minutes crosstrainer
15 x minutes step machine
20 x minutes treadmill
30 x minutes weights

And I've ranted about this enough elsewhere, but finally: to the woman that unabashedly made off with my iPod tonight as I left it on the table by the weights for five minutes: YOU ARE A FILTHY, THIEVING, DESPICABLE WITCH and I hope you rot in hell.

2006-07-04T14:13:00.000-07:00

Ran for the first time in five days tonight. I've had something wrong with my foot. It came on during my last run, and I just ignored it but since then it got worse. It's a very tender pain like cramp that stretches along the outside length of my right foot from the heel to the toe, and on Sunday it was so bad it was making me limp. Anyway, I don't know what caused it but I think I isolated what was prolonging it - flip-flops. When wearing flip-flops, I think I must walk in a way that puts undue pressure on this part of my foot or something. I'm always having to claw the soles to keep them from slipping off my feet and I'm sure this unnatural way of walking has something to do with it. Since reverting to normal shoes it has pretty much cleared up and tonight I ran about five miles without any problems at all.

10 x mins crosstrainer
4 x miles easy: AVG HR 154
6 x 30 second sprints: AVG HR 182

2 @ 8.02 min mile pace
2 @ 7.43 min mile pace
2 @ 7.25 min mile pace

2006-06-29T12:27:00.000-07:00

Tough workout. Ran 3 miles quite fast (for me) then upped pace for one minute, jogged for one minute, then really pushed it for two more minutes, running flat out. I was trying to find my max heart rate. At the point where I felt like I couldn't last another second it was 194.

15 mins crosstrainer
1 x 3 mile run (and a bit)
20 mins power plate

2006-06-28T15:58:00.000-07:00

Quite a hot night. Ran for about forty minutes, from the flat down to the beach, then all the way to the lagoon and back. Just wanted to fit a quick one in before meeting up with John for his birthday. Had no heart rate monitor, no watch and no music - felt a bit strange but was nice. No pressure - just running. Wind was pretty strong on the way back.

Tomorrow am going to try the workout that K sent me to attempt to find out what my max heart rate is. Involves running three miles at an even but challenging pace, then picking up the pace in stages at the end. It will be a tough half hour or so; I'm looking forward to it.

1 x 40 minutes (don't know how far)

2006-06-25T05:35:00.000-07:00

Ran 4.25 miles yesterday. Felt good. No pain, just a few niggles. HR was low throughout. All good. Legs ache a little today but that might be something to do with a hangover.

10 x minutes crosstrainer
4.25 mile run + 6 x sprints.

1 @ 8.45 min pace
2 @ 8.20 min pace
3 & 4 @ 8.00 min pace
5 & 6 @ 7.45 min pace

2006-06-21T13:41:00.000-07:00

I'm back. Had a whole week off running; off everything in fact. Not one single act of exertion took place last week, unfortunately.

I want to train for another race now.

Tried to enter the Great South Run in October, which is a very popular 10 mile road run, but it was full. So have entered a 10k instead, on Sunday 3rd September in Littlehampton. G is going to do it too, and I think I might even be able to persuade Spock to take part as well.

Went to the gym on Monday night for first session and run since the marathon. (Krzys is coaching me long-distance style; he's done about a billion 10ks I think. He has also given me a very scary target time of 63:30 for some reason). I ran four miles on the treadmill followed by some short sprints. When I woke up on Monday morning, I had a really tight, sharp pain in my left calf. It felt really tender when I lifted my foot up, with my heel still on the ground. My legs also just felt very heavy in general. I found this run, despite doing it really slowly, quite difficult. Probably because I hadn't done anything for a week, but even so, I struggled with it. Not in an endurance way - my heart rate was fine. But my legs felt like dead weights.

Monday:
15 mins cross trainer.
4 mile run + 4 x 25 second sprints
15 mins power plate

Didn't run tonight as still had the pain in left calf. But couldn't resist doing the sprints. Will do next proper session on Friday. Tried to do some weights at the gym. Haven't really done any for a couple of months as the marathon training took up so much time. God, what a weed. Had to drop everything down by about 10/15kg from where I was before.

Wednesday
15 mins cross trainer
20 mins uphill walking incline 12 + 6 x sprints
30 mins weights

2006-06-13T07:41:00.000-07:00

I arrived in Edinburgh on Friday morning and was met with a cool mist - bliss. It hung around all day long, and I even started to let myself hope that it might stay like that all weekend. No such luck - by Saturday morning it was glorious sunshine. I could hardly complain though - how often do you get to visit one of world's most beautiful cities in weather like that? Scotland is hardly renowned for its heatwaves.

I visited the expo on Friday afternoon to pick up my race number and chip and look at expensive running gear that I could've easily convinced myself I needed but certainly could not afford. When the guy handed over the envelope that contained my number, I think it suddenly hit me for the first time that I was going to run a marathon. It was no longer just this 'thing' lurking somewhere in the future. He said 'Good luck - it's going to be a scorcher', and I felt a combination of terror and trepidation.

Slept pretty badly on Friday night - strange dreams. Woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep.

On Saturday morning we did an open-top bus tour of the city which was a perfect way to remain off my feet and see Edinburgh's sights. I was overwhelmed by the place. It was my first proper visit (only driven through the outskirts before on my way up to the Highlands) and it surely has to rival any city in Europe for its architecture, its views, its incredible setting and amazing castle. What a shame I couldn't really appreciate it as fully as I'd have liked (I think a jaunt up Arthur's Seat would've finished me off). I'll definitely be back.

After that we went back to the apartment to watch the England game which was pretty lacklustre but at least we won. Then to dinner at Bar Roma where I forced yet another bowl of pasta down my throat. Met some people from the Runners World web forum in there - Ali and Gillian - and talking to them really calmed my nerves as it turned out they were apprehensive too although not as bad as me, I don't think.

Spent the rest of Saturday night meticulously getting my gear ready, and checking and re-checking everything. This took at least a couple of hours and helped to temporarily distract me. I finally got into bed around midnight - so much for the early night - after a warm bath and some light stretching. Ended up having to get up about another five hundred times as had drunk at least four litres of water and sports drink throughout the day. Had a very fitful nights sleep not helped by a continually barking dog and woke up around four. When I eventually got up at 5.45 it was cloudy and I had a vague fantasy of it staying like that all day. But by 7.30am the sun had already broken through. Breakfast consisted of a bowl of porridge with honey, a glass of chocolate milk, bottle of lucozade and another bowl of rice pudding! And lots of water of course. Tried to eat a bagel as well but it was just too stodgy and I couldn't force it down. Felt ok with what I'd eaten. Fully carbed up but not bloated. Stopped drinking around 7.45 and left the apartment around 8. The first frisson of excitement came as I walked towards Princes Street in my gear, and watched as other runners emerged from every direction until we were like one big army marching to the same destination, all with a common goal in mind. I met up with my virtual and now real friends from the Runners World Forum for a quick photo shoot (which ended up on the BBC website!) before making my way down to Princes Street Gardens which were really buzzing - people milling about, stretching, running up and down. I heard the announcer keep going on about the weather and telling the spectators it was going to be 'extremely tough out there for the runners' . I tried to visit the loo one last time but the queues were too long (11 portaloos for 10,000 runners is completely insane) and then I had to get in my starting pen. It was all a bit chaotic at the start. I got mixed up with all the relay runners who weren't supposed to be starting until five minutes after the last marathon runner had crossed the starting line. But I could see that loads of them were in front of me. In the end we were marshalled around them and I eventually crossed the starting line about 10 minutes after the gun went off I think, as I was right at the back.

The atmosphere at the beginning was fantastic - a whole mass of people running down Princes Street in the hot sunshine in the shadow of Edinburgh Castle as hundreds of cheering supporters waved and shouted. I heard my name after about 200 metres and turned round to see my mum and dad standing on a traffic island in the road and waving. It would be another 17 miles before I saw them again. The first couple of minutes were gently downhill before turning into the first uphill stretch up Lothian Road and into the old part of the city. I was amazed to see people ahead of me already walking. I had been worried about this stretch as I'd done next to nothing in the way of hill training for this marathon, but even I could make it up here without any problems. I really enjoyed this part of the route - we weaved in and out of the old town before heading into Holyrood Park and the first water stop at 4.2 miles. I grabbed a bottle and ran on. I was intending to walk through every drink station but I felt strong at this point and didn't need to walk. In fact, apart from the toilet stop in Victoria Park (have never, ever needed the loo before on a run - typical!!) I was able to complete the first ten miles without stopping. I felt totally fine up until this point. Slow, but steady. The heat was extreme, as there was no cloud cover at all, and I could not feel any breeze, but I felt ok. It was when we ran down to the coast and I saw the faster runners already coming back the other way that it hit me just how long this whole thing was going to take me. They were all about 7 miles ahead of me. Then I passed the first Macmillan (my charity) support team. I saw them in the distance at a junction, all dressed in the same green top as me, with big banners, flags, boards etc. They were all screaming and shouting 'come on, you can do it' and 'you're doing great' and as I got nearer to them they all started chanting 'Max Max Max Max' - it was completely overwhelming. I ran past them feeling totally overcome with emotion which made me start wheezing as I thought I was going to burst into tears. I had to slow right down to almost a shuffle for a couple of minutes while I composed myself again.

The next stretch was very dispiriting. We turned away from the beach and up into a grim industrial estate that was completely deserted aside from the marshalls on each corner. The heat at this point was incredibly intense - the road surfaces seemed to be reflecting it back into my face and I started to feel a little bit lightheaded. I saw a sign for the first energy drink station and then I saw some volunteers packing up boxes and picking discarded pouches off the ground. They had run out. Fortunately I had some lucozade and water mix in my water belt but I felt so sorry for the other runners around me who were looking distraught. It was demoralising, especially as the area we were running through was very bleak. This section contained lots of uphill stretches and it was at this point that I first had to have a walking break (it was around the 11 mile mark I think). I had actually thought about a mile earlier, that maybe I would be able to run all the way round without stopping - after all, this was the furthest I'd ever gone without a walk break. Haha, that idea went out the window very quickly. I walked for a couple of minutes only a few seconds after having that thought, as I turned a corner to see yet another uphill stretch ahead. Finally, we emerged from the estate back onto the beach, and the beauty of the calm, glittering sea at low tide was just about enough to take my mind off the fact that it was still another mile or so to the turnaround point. Once I had turned back on myself, I put my music on for the first time as I knew there was now a long, quiet, flat, straight stretch ahead and there was not too much support around. It was a good boost and I had another reasonably strong burst where I didn't need to walk. However, on passing the halfway point at 2hrs 46, which was loads slower than my normal time of around 2hrs 35, I knew I did not have a hope in hell of making my target time of 5hrs 30 for the race. I revised to 5hrs 40 and carried on. I wanted to pick up my pace a little but every time I tried my heart started thumping and my heart rate shot up and I was worried I would burn up and start to have serious problems.

After sixteen miles I remembered that I'd arranged to see my parents again at the Ocean Terminal water stop, about a mile up ahead. By this point I was having to break everything down into smaller, more manageable chunks so I said to myself, right, no stopping until I see them. Fortunately it was a gradual downhill all the way. I saw them in the distance taking pictures as I came towards them and then I stopped briefly, refilled my bottle with the drinks they'd been carrying for me, and carried on. The next few miles were fairly depressing again - past the Royal Yacht Brittania but then out through the docks and wasteland and past a very smelly sewage works. By the time I eventually got within sight of Portobello beach I knew that any hope of a respectable time was gone and I'd be lucky to finish in under six hours. I felt disappointed about this. But people around me were really struggling and dropping like flies. Running along the promenade at Portobello I passed a girl who was in real trouble. I slowed down to ask if she was ok and she said she was going to drop out. She looked absolutely desperate. She was walking and her legs looked like they would give way at any second. She kept saying 'I've hit my wall and it's all over, it's all over'. I walked with her for a bit and kept trying to convince her to just walk to the end, it was only another five miles and she'd come this far. Some other people who were walking caught up with us, and after a while I left her with them, having hoped that I'd convinced her to keep going. Finally the 22 mile marker came into view and I knew that the final turnaround point was looming just ahead and the hardest part of the marathon was about to begin.

I ran around the final corner and back up the way I'd just come down. I looked up ahead and saw the road stretching uphill into the distance, and I knew it was going to be like that for the rest of the race. This was the part I'd been dreading. I don't know what on earth happened to me at this point but I actually started overtaking people. It was like I'd turned into a robot. I couldn't feel any part of of my body and it was as though my mind had taken over and was pressing some kind of invisible remote control buttons in my brain that were sending signals out to my legs without any conscious decision making on my part. I really don't know what happened but for about a mile I had my second wind. At this point I saw the girl I'd passed earlier still struggling on down to the turnaround point. She spotted me and shouted 'Thanks Max I'm still here!' across the road and I felt so happy she was still going.

Then I started to feel really, really sick and my left hamstring was starting to play up. Up until this point all of my various injuries had not re-materialised. But my hamstring was really starting to hurt and I had to clutch the top of my thigh to support it as I was running along. The heat was also finally really getting to me badly. I had eaten a couple of jelly babies en route but now I couldn't stomach them. I then tried a couple of salty pretzels but had to spit them out too. I was desperate for something to give me energy, for a cold drink, but not any more fucking lucozade. My skin was covered in a layer of dried salt from all the fluid I was losing. The metallic taste in my mouth was disgusting and I needed cold, cold water. I passed a drink station and grabbed some water but it was warm. I thought I was going to puke. Then I saw a little convenience store and I knew I had a pound in my belt and before I knew what was happening I was queuing up at the till with a bottle of ice-cold water in my hand. This little episode knocked at least five or six minutes off my time but I needed that water like I've never needed anything before in my life, and by this point my finishing time was no longer an issue. Back on the road I felt stronger again and as I turned another corner, to be faced with yet another hill, I knew I was going to make it to the end. There was no way in hell I was not going to cross that finishing line. Around about this point the course entered a residential area and people were lined up in chairs outside their front gardens, with sprinklers and hosepipes and handing out slices of orange. I ran through every sprinkler and soaked myself, but was dry again two minutes later. The sky was starting to cloud over a little and it was very, very muggy. There were about two and a half miles to go. I passed the 24 mile marker and saw some casualties by the roadside. This was very upsetting. I felt so sorry for those people. Up ahead of me, people were zig-zagging across the road looking completely disorientated. One guy, who I'd been following and passing from around mile 7 overtook me one last time, but just as I got to the 25 mile marker I saw him lying on the pavement with a foil blanket over him, getting oxygen from a paramedic. He'd been wearing a vest which said "In memory of my Dad" on the back, with a picture of his dad printed underneath. I felt absolutely gutted that this bloke didn't make it after running 25 miles.

The entrance to Holyrood Park seemed to elude me for what felt like forever. When it finally came into sight, I ran through expecting to see the finish line ahead but it was a long curving road and it was out of sight. Then I came around the bend and the 26 mile marker came into view and I could see crowds of people and hear the announcer about 400 metres ahead of me. I felt like collapsing and I have no idea where the last few scraps of steely resolve came from but I'd always been absolutely determined to have a 'sprint' finish and somehow I managed to lift my feet slightly higher off the ground and run the last 0.2 miles faster than I'd run at any other point in the race. Because I was so near the back of the pack, I actually had the run-up all to myself and was fortunate enough to have the entire crowd shouting my name and cheering just for me. I looked for my mum and dad but couldn't see them anywhere, then just as I crossed the line I saw them about ten metres up ahead, hanging over the barriers.

It's difficult to know what to say now. I've written everything above in a pretty matter-of-fact, as-it-happened kind of manner. But I think it's fair to say that what I experienced going over that finishing line is a feeling that can't be described in the same way. I'm aware of what a cliche this is, but it's very hard to put into words the emotions that I felt at that point. It was as though six months of pain, anguish, joy, self-doubt, happiness, misery, effort, commitment, tears, motivation, pure fear and simple, elated, exhausted relief rose up inside me like a tidal wave and I was bent over double, clutching onto the barrier and sobbing so uncontrollably that a nurse had to ask my parents if I needed treatment! I regained enough composure to be able to tell her, no thank-you very much, I was quite ok, just a little overcome. But really, I had no control over myself whatsoever. None at all. But it didn't really matter at that point I suppose. I had just run a marathon.

2006-06-08T14:55:00.000-07:00

a little light bedtime reading

I am feeling so nervous at the moment that I am really starting to doubt myself. I want to wake up in the morning feeling fresh, pain-free, positive and excited about Sunday, but instead am waking up with butterflies, a slight sense of doom, and backache. I am determind that when I get up tomorrow morning and set off for the airport I am going to be feeling calm, relaxed and confident. I think I sometimes need to remind myself how far I've come in a relatively short space of time, because no matter what I do, I don't seem to be able to stop comparing myself to others and worrying about how slow I am. It doesn't help that certain people joke about it all the time either. I know they're only being affectionate and they mean absolutely nothing malicious, and they only do it because I do it too. But I think it sometimes only serves to reinforce a particular image I have of myself which I don't think is particularly helpful at the moment as I try to develop a more positive outlook. So last night I read through some parts of the journal I kept when I was travelling in 2004/2005, to try and find the entry about running for the first time in Cairns.

"Tropical storm today. Not much to do on the Great Barrier Reef in the rain, except shopping or going to the gym. Opted for the latter. I bought a temporary two week membership as I'll be here for a while. Thought I'd try out the treadmill as all the other machines were busy, and I normally avoid the treadmill like the plague. I walked on it for a bit and then started to run. Oh God. I lasted four minutes. I was going to blame this on the fact that I only have my hiking trainers and they're really heavy. But really it's because it was bloody hard. I can't believe how hard it was. I can't believe I can go on a cross-trainer or a bike for half an hour and not feel too bad, but not be able to run for more than four minutes. I never realised how much more of an effort running is compared to other exercise. Four minutes. That is shameful."

By the end of that two week membership I had bought my first ever pair of Asics running shoes and had run 26 minutes. Then I carried on travelling and didn't have the chance to run again until I came back to the UK. Back at my normal gym, I had to start from scratch again. I think I managed seven minutes when I first went back. It was around about this time that the thought of entering a marathon first entered my mind. I had spent two and half years planning and saving for my round the world trip, and another year living a fantasy life. I'd made myself do scary things like hike up a crevass-ridden glacier, hang-glide, and jump out of a plane at 12,000 feet, and I forced myself to scuba dive in an attempt to conquer my long-held fear of being underwater. When I got home and started living the nine-to-five lifestyle again, I felt this overwhelming sense of emptiness. Something was missing. I couldn't put my finger on what it was for a long time but I realised that I missed the rush of having something to challenge me. Work was hideous, and completely unfulfilling, and I missed waking up every morning knowing that I was going to do something amazing that day. I kept thinking about running a marathon, mainly because the idea seemed so preposterous (I couldn't even run half a mile when I first had this brainwave) and also because I knew it would be the absolute last thing that anyone would expect me to do. The last time I had participated in any kind of organised sporting activity was a junior school netball tournament aged 11.

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to do it. But every time I ran, after about ten minutes, puffing and bright red, I'd think 'Who the hell am I kidding? Am I totally insane?' Then around October time, I saw an advert for the Edinburgh Marathon and I entered on a whim. I suppose I thought, if not now, then when? I knew I wouldn't find out whether or not I had a place for another two months so I just forgot about it. Then in December I got my place. When I got the email, I made my final decision. I would do it. I knew it meant giving up six months of my life to living, eating and sleeping running, but a long-term challenge was what I was after because I knew it would make achievement of the goal even sweeter.

So here I am today, 3 days to go. In the last six months I have run a 'long run' almost every single weekend: - 6,7, 9, 10, 12, 13, 15, 16, 18 and 20 miles. Not to mention the evening runs three times a week in the bitter cold and pouring rain after long commutes to London and back. Just six or seven months ago I never would have believed I could do this. I feel fit as a fiddle (apart from all the aches and pains) for the first time since I was about 7 and could do one-handed cartwheels and walk on my hands. I may be as slow as a three-legged tortoise but I would confidently take on any of my friends at any kind of endurance activity. And I NEVER thought I would ever say that. I still don't feel like a 'runner', but maybe I will come Sunday.

There are so many unknowns about the race itself. I really don't know what to expect. How to warm up. What to do while I'm waiting around. Getting jostled. Being too slow for the people behind me. I should have entered something while I was training to get a feel for it. I think this was a big mistake but it's too late to do anything about it now. I soooo badly wanted to talk to Krzys about all this, and everything else I've been going through, but I decided that I wasn't going to tell him I was running a marathon until I'd done it. I was going to tell him in Austin but after that disastrous run I thought he'd think I was deranged and warn me off. So I decided that I really wanted to have the pleasure of being able to tell him afterwards - someone who would REALLY understand what it means. And I know that the thought of being able to phone him after the race and say 'I've just run a marathon' will spur me on to the finish. I'm desperate to be able to make that call. He's the only person who knows nothing about it.

Last night I ran 4.5 miles with Spock - I wore a warm t-shirt and a jacket zipped up to the neck in a vague attempt to acclimatise for the heat. It was pretty hot in there. Then I had a sports massage which was great although I'm very sore and tender today - I hope this is normal. I'm going to do two more miles tonight and then I'm done. Off to Edinburgh in the morning.

2006-06-07T05:48:00.001-07:00

Am working from home today as they are servicing the fire alarms and had to let them into the flat. It is a glorious, warm sunny day and ordinarily it would be lovely, but my heart sank this morning as the sun streamed in the window when I woke up.

Having trouble sleeping at the moment - keep waking really early, 5ish, and am not able to fall back to sleep as have so many thoughts whizzing around my brain. I feel excited. I really do. But I also feel really anxious, doubtful of myself, and worried about my back. It's really sore again today. I think about the possibility of not being able to finish, I wonder if I'm completely kidding myself that I can do this thing. I think about all the training sessions I've missed through injury, all the weeks where I only managed two or three out of the four scheduled runs, the 12 mile run I missed ten days ago due to my back, the fact that I had to stop about a billion times during my 8 miler last weekend because of the heat. All these things. And I think about how embarrassing and humiliating it would be to come home on Monday having failed to complete the race, how guilty and ashamed I would feel about all the people who've sponsored me. I know I need to have a major shot-in-the-arm of positive thinking between now and Sunday, because I know it'll be my attitude on the day which will be the most important factor in whether I finish or not. Up until I injured my back, the thought of not finishing never even entered my mind. I need to get back to that way of thinking again sharpish. Am going out for a 4 miler with Spock later this afternoon. I'm thinking of wearing a long-sleeved top and my wind jacket in a last, desperate attempt to acclimatise.

Did 3 miles last night along the beach. There was a lovely sea breeze and a pink sunset. My legs really ached though, while I was running, although they felt fine as soon as I stopped. My calves feel totally tight and rigid. I have a sports massage tonight with Leanne and I really hope she can loosen them up. When I had one before my 20 mile run, I really noticed the difference. Had a doctor's appointment this morning, during which she took my blood pressure and said it was 'fabulous'. It was 102 over 76 but I have absolutely no idea what that means.

Then I went to Run and bought a Pearl Izumi running hat with a visor. It was £16!!! When it comes to buying stuff for running, I seem to have no control over my spending. But I also don't want to have the sun in my eyes the whole time, and I broke my sunglasses (my thirteenth pair in two years).